Why, oh, why do we do it? Every year, we vow to become better people beginning, well, tomorrow. We will lose that 20 (30, 40 ... ) pounds. Quit smoking. Travel more. Become less demanding. Two weeks later, we're binging, smoking and glued to "Survivor Fiji" on TV. And, hey! Where's my beer!?Oh, well, there's always next year. The solution, it turns out, isn't to stop making resolutions. It's to be smarter about it. Here's some advice from professionals, including a dietitian whose clients have demonstrated impressive -- and long-term -- weight loss, a life coach, psychologist and a few Twin Citians who made their resolutions work. The winners are:
Here are popular goals found on many Top 10 resolution lists. Sound familiar?
Lose weight.
Exercise more (or at all).
Pay off debt/save money.
Get a better job/education.
Eat right.
Drink less alcohol.
Quit smoking.
Reduce stress.
Take a trip.
Volunteer.
So close and yet ...
Most people give up on their New Year's goal within three weeks of making it, says psychologist Terry Lyles, who teaches professional athletes how to rewire their brains to become champs. But it takes 23 to 30 days to begin to change a bad habit into a positive ritual or routine, he said. The moral of this story? Hold on. "People give up 6 feet from the goal," Lyles said. "It feels like it's so far away, but the hardest part is the last 5 percent."
Goal, shmoal. What's your strategy?
It drives Lyles nuts when people say, "I want to lose weight this year." That's not a goal, he said, "that's a dream. It's nonspecific and impersonal. People need to put a strategy together." Instead of, "I want to lose weight this year," say: "I'm going to lose 25 pounds and I'm going to wear this dress again." Strategy, Lyles said, "is where the money is."
Are you really ready?
Anne Fletcher, a Minnesota-based registered dietitian and author of the "Thin for Life" books and "Sober for Good," has written about hundreds of people who have experienced long-term success either in losing weight or quitting drinking. She studied the strategies of more than 200 adults who lost an average of 64 pounds and kept it off for about 11 years, and people who had been sober for at least five years. One common thread: They were truly ready to change. Are you? Ask yourself: Are the conditions right in your life to sustain a significant change? Do you have family support? Time to commit to this? If not, reexamine your goals in a few months.
Life coach Wendy Malinsky of Edina wholeheartedly agrees. While Jan. 1 "is a seductive date," it's also a slippery slope, she said. "Come Jan. 1, we promise ourselves that 'This year will be different.'" With the best of intentions, she said, we make statements such as, "Starting today, I will no longer. ... " or "Starting today, I will only. ... "
"It's an all-or-nothing mentality," destined to fail. "You have to be ready for long-term, sustainable change," she said, whether that is Jan. 1, June 1, or 2010. You'll know when the time is right, she said. People have probably been contemplating the need to change for some time, until "there is so much discomfort that it's no longer acceptable to rationalize the status quo."
How's your self-efficacy?
Psychologists use "self-efficacy" as a way to measure belief in your competence in a particular area. You might, for example, have high self-efficacy in parenting, (meaning plenty of confidence) but low self-efficacy in weight loss (meaning you don't believe in yourself because you blow it time and again). One of the best ways to boost self-efficacy, dietitian Fletcher said, is to focus on people who have been successful. Weight Watchers, for example, has successful role models running the group. Find them, observe them, talk to them.
Do it your way
Fletcher also found that her subjects who finally experienced success in weight loss or in quitting drinking did so in many different ways, by finding an approach that was right for them. Sounds obvious, sure, but many people religiously follow Atkins or South Beach, for example, "because it worked for my mother." Monumental change, Fletcher said, "comes from doing it your own way, often through a process of trial and error."
No magic bullet
You won't want to hear this. Actually, you've already heard this many times. Change is hard. It's work. It's long-term. This is good news. If you buy into lifestyle change, instead of a quick fix, you give yourself a whole lot more time to be successful. Says Malinsky: "Instead of, 'I will work out every day,' you say, 'I'll work out one day a week until one time is no longer effective or rewarding and I want to work out twice.'It's not about wholesale change in one fell swoop. It's about chipping away at goals and celebrating incremental changes until you can say, 'This is part of my lifestyle.'"
And if you don't believe her, ask a doctor -- family-practice physician Chris Balgobin, 32, who works at Fairview Health Service's Cedar Ridge Clinic in Apple Valley. He once weighed 304 pounds and, not surprisingly, struggled to get his patients to take his advice about healthier living. (Older patients, he said, asked him, "When are you going to do something for yourself?") Now the 5-foot-6 Balgobin is a lean and muscular 180 pounds. How did he do it? Slow and steady lifestyle changes. Exactly one year ago, he and wife, Mia, 33, the parents of two girls, ages 5 and 21 months, stopped eating out regularly and, instead, went weekly to the grocery store to stock up on fruits, vegetables, low-calorie cheeses and low-fat snacks. Other big changes: He eats breakfast every morning and works out five times a week, at home or in a fitness center, running, rowing, spinning and lifting weights. The busy doctor often plans his workout schedule a day in advance so he has no excuse for skipping. Mia has lost 70 pounds this year, and Balgobin, who was always overweight, looks at himself now, "and I can't imagine how it was."
Find ways to treat yourself
Kids aren't the only people who like rewards for good behavior. If you are giving up a behavior, replace it with something you enjoy (as long as it's not another bad habit, of course). Exercise, reading, volunteering, exiting a bad relationship? You get to pick.
Malinksy encourages her clients to create a "joy jar," with different colored pieces of paper representing pleasures that cost nothing (90 minutes of uninterrupted time to read, for example, or a soak in a bath); pleasures that cost a little (a movie ticket, a CD), and pleasures that cost a lot, such as a long-desired trip to Hawaii. Resist getting bogged down in "shoulda, woulda, coulda," she said. So what if you ate a doughnut at work today? You usually eat two. Grab from Jar No. 1.
Remember the bad old days
Fletcher found that people who were most successful at reaching their goals didn't just keep successes fresh in their minds. They remembered their last drunk, too. "They were able to compare and contrast what their lives were like then and what their lives are like now," she said. Formerly obese women told her things like, 'I remember what it felt like when I couldn't fit into an airplane seat. Now, I can play with my grandchildren. I look in the mirror every day.'"
Don't believe everything you read or hear
It's common knowledge that 95 percent of people fail at their New Year's resolutions, right? Maybe not. Fletcher said it's really impossible to know what the success rate is because those who lose the weight and keep it off, or quit drinking, or become much nicer people, don't typically find their way to universities to participate in studies. They're just out there, living their lives.
Her educated guess, though, through years of research, is that the odds of success are actually four times higher, "about 20 percent. That's not tremendous odds," she said, "but it's a lot more encouraging than 5 percent."
Gail Rosenblum 612-673-7350
