I teach AP literature to some extremely motivated, bright seniors, and this time of year is bittersweet: it's college decision time. As the letters of acceptance — or rejection — come pouring in, I feel for these kids as they figure out how to make this very adult decision.
As a mother myself, I also think of their parents, and of how tempting it must be to congratulate oneself on a job well done (or chastise oneself for missed opportunity). So often, we judge our own success based on the success of our children. But how do we truly define success, anyway?
Watching my students deal with this stressful season, I have felt immense pride — sometimes at unexpected times. So, from a high school teacher who sees teenagers on the brink of adulthood everyday, here is my list of qualities that should make teachers and parents very proud — even more proud than an acceptance to Harvard:
1. He knows how to say thank you. A kid who knows how to express gratitude for a gift he never asked for? Who writes a thank-you note for a letter of recommendation or thanks his mother for a ride to a basketball game? That should make you proud, indeed.
2. She embraces failure and learns from it. It's not fun to hear "no." But I am always so impressed by kids who can face disappointment bravely, maybe even embracing it. I might even argue that there is more to be proud of in this than there is in a letter of acceptance.
3. He loves learning because learning is fun, not just because he needs a 4.0. It's admirable to be driven by a desire for excellence, but I find it truly inspiring to see kids reading, writing and creating for the love of it. Those kids who start clubs about dying languages? Write fan fiction? Start a new website from scratch? That makes me proud.
4. She is genuinely happy for others' successes. It's hard to feel truly happy for someone when competition and envy keep getting in the way. If a kid can manage it, be proud.
5. He keeps his sense of humor. I think it's important to be able to laugh at the absurdity of the world — and ourselves — from time to time. Laughing at something can help us gain control over it, and these kids need to feel some control over a college admission process that can sometimes seem entirely unpredictable.