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Performance: Chelsea Handler living out loud

Late-night yakker Chelsea Handler spouts off about Tiger, New Jersey and her ex.

August 17, 2012 at 9:00PM

Chelsea Handler (Margaret Andrews/The Minnesota Star Tribune)

Chelsea Handler's formula is simple -- go for the jugular and the funnybone at the same time. How she keeps pulling it off is the tricky part.

Whether she's hosting her late-night cable show, taking her standup act on the 22-city tour that brings her to Minneapolis Saturday, or tossing off another quick read, she always comes off as a likably naughty glamour girl, probably because she's as likely to skewer herself and her family as she is to point out Stupid Celebrity Tricks.

Her third book, "Chelsea Chelsea Bang Bang," is overly reliant on even more childhood memories, but no matter. Like her two previous bestsellers, it reached the top of the New York Times list last week.

The 35-year-old Handler is newly single, having broken up with her beau and boss, Comcast CEO Ted Harbert. In her book -- written while they were living together -- she refers to him as a "giant toddler," but her E! show "Chelsea Lately" (10 p.m. weeknights) is in no jeopardy; it's been renewed through 2012.

Q: Who's the most ridiculous celeb du jour?

A: Tiger Woods. He just keeps getting more so. I don't know what his wife is thinking. She's only 30, she could have another whole life. You can't rehabilitate someone who can't even stop having sex while he's sleeping.

Q: What's your favorite political scandal of the year?

A: John Edwards. But even before this, you could tell he was an ass because of his hair.

Q: What gets your vote for worst reality show?

A: "Jerseylicious." It's about a New Jersey hair salon. I'm from New Jersey, and who needs to see that? It's embarrassing. There's just me and Joe Piscopo representing our state, and with him by my side I need a lot of extra help.

Q: Apparently your dad is trying to piggyback on your fame.

A: He says he can't even go to the market anymore. I said, "I can and no one knows who I am, so I think you're safe." He tried to charge me $25,000 for the rights to put a poem he wrote to my mom in the book to make him sound like some sort of human being. He said he'd sue, and I said he'd have to borrow the money for a lawyer from me anyway.

Q: You're a big prankster. Lay a couple of your best ones on us.

A: I convinced one friend that Sully the ["miracle on the Hudson"] hero was my personal pilot and that he also drives me around when he needs extra cash, unless Beyoncé needs him. Also I faked a dog funeral. I was at a party with my boyfriend, and the next day I told him that I fed something to the dog there that made it die. We staged it on the Santa Monica Pier, all my friends were in on it and we videotaped it. When we got there, I said, "Guess who's not dead?"

Q: Is it any wonder you two are no longer together?

A: Well, I said, "It's been four years, you should know me by now," and at some point it had to come to a screeching halt.

Q: Are you dating?

A: No, I've been doing all these bookstore signings across the country and no one's asked me out.

Q: So what qualities attract you to a man?

A: I'm basically looking for someone who doesn't speak a lot of English.