Overly critical boss getting under your skin? First, assess your anger

Q: My boss is really getting to me. No matter how many extra hours I work and the amount I get done, she just snipes at me for things I haven't done. I just don't know what to do to keep moving forward.

Trisha, 37, communication analyst

A: Assess the good and the bad of your situation so that you can determine the best approach while also maintaining balance in your life.

So, you are angry — I get that. And it's an understandable reaction when you feel overworked and underappreciated.

What are you doing with that anger? If you are turning it on yourself in guilt or depression, this is obviously damaging and unhealthy.

Likewise, if you are turning it outward at colleagues, this will harm relationships.

On the other hand, you may be using it as an energy source to fuel activity, particularly aimed at improvement and change; this is the path to pursue.

But if you think this is how things will be for the long haul, you might want to explore other options.

It may not be that bleak. For example, if you have worked together for a while with some ups and downs, this may just be a worse example of a down period.

Regardless, you owe it to yourself to try to get some relief.

Select a key pain point that causes you a lot of rework. What would you change in terms of her requests and the nature of your interaction?

For example, maybe she asks you to prepare a communication brief and then changes directions in midstream.

She may be unclear in what she asks for the first time. This may be because she doesn't really know herself, or because she didn't communicate it clearly.

In this case, try putting together a brief summary of her request for her to confirm. Then be persistent in getting her feedback so that you have a better chance of doing it right the first time.

Or, she may have last-minute changes in direction handed down to her.

In that case, there may be little she can do to prevent the rework.

In this case, maybe all she can do is take a moment to explain what happened.

It seems like a lot of people rush past this part, underestimating the value of recognition — even of a simple thanks.

This might be worth mentioning to her in a conversation when you are not feeling emotionally charged.

Then figure out what limits you can set. You have the right to a life outside of work, so if she's frequently impinging on evenings and weekends, ask her to prioritize what you get done during the workweek.

After all, it's her job as a leader to help her employees succeed.