Now is a super time to fix world of sports

Just as the calendar year begins when the ball drops in Times Square, so the new sports year begins with the falling of confetti at the Super Bowl.

As we belly-crawl through the briny muck of the swampy segment of the sports calendar known as February, this is a good time to fix everything that is wrong with the world of perspiring arts (as legendary Dallas Morning News columnist Blackie Sherrod called them).

Here is one man's Sports Reformation:

Pro hockey: There aren't enough skilled players to make the average game interesting, the shootout is silly and teams are given a point even when they effectively have lost the contest, making the NHL the professional version of fifth grade in-house soccer (congratulations, Little Billy, you didn't fall down! Here's a medal!)

Every game should be worth a winner-takes-all two points. Eliminating the self-esteem point will make for more dramatic races and encourage teams to play to win at the end of regulation and in overtime.

Get rid of the shootout, and make teams play 4-on-4, then 3-on-3, then 2-on-2, then 1-on-1 until there is a winner.

Ditch four teams, get out of unsustainable markets and ensure that there is always something to watch. You've heard of basketball's "shot clock?" Install a "fight clock." Every 10 minutes, the goons skate to center ice and brawl, while play goes on around them. The need for new teeth will stimulate the economy.

College hockey: Install the "Fairness Doctrine," preventing superpowers such as Union and Holy Cross from beating up on upstarts such as the University of Minnesota.

Pro basketball: Install new contract and salary cap rules that make it easier to trade star players. I keep hearing complaints about the attention being paid to the potential Carmelo Anthony trade, but the speculation has been the most interesting aspect of the league for the past two months. You don't expect the average sports fan to care about regular-season NBA games, do you?

It's not that there needs to be less talk; it's that there needs to be more action. The NBA should be like your buddies' fantasy basketball league: Stars should be shuffled all season, until you have superpowers vying in the playoffs.

College basketball: The best college game of the season might have been played between UCLA and Cal. Why? Because both of the coaches burned their timeouts early, so Cal's comeback and UCLA's eventual game-winning rally occurred in real time, with frenetic end-to-end runs and the players making decisions on the fly.

What, you'd rather see windbag coaches stopping the action every 20 seconds to draw up inbounds plays that don't work?

Pro baseball: If a pitcher steps off the rubber or a batter steps out of the box during an at-bat, he shall be tasered by that Philly security guard who nailed the fleeing loser fan in the back last season.

Pro football: No more Black Eyed Peas (Fergie looked like Clay Matthews, only with bigger arms and less hair), and no more bets on the length of the national anthem (Christina Aguilera was obviously adding verses because she bet the over.)

Simplify the rules regarding violence: If you hit an opponent in the head, you are ejected, fined and suspended. We're allowing people to be damaged for our entertainment. We need to become more humane.

College football: Duh. A playoff. Think about this: If the NFL had set up the same postseason structure as the NCAA, the Patriots and Falcons would have played in the Super Bowl on March 14, and we would have skipped the three weekends of playoffs that proved to be the highlight of the season.

Soccer: Install a shot clock. If a team doesn't shoot within one minute, the other team gets the ball at midfield.

Soccer players are gifted athletes. Give them an incentive to push toward the goal, and you'll see constant highlights.

If soccer wants to conquer America, it had better take after the NFL: More action. More drama. More suspense mechanisms. And, of course, more steroids.

Jim Souhan can be heard Sundays from 10 a.m. to noon and weekdays at 2:40 p.m. on 1500ESPN. His Twitter name is Souhanstrib. • jsouhan@startribune.com