NFL Week 14 picks: Welcoming a rush to judgment

So a Minneapolis judge gave a favorable ruling to two of the Vikings' best players as the team heads toward its first playoff season in four years.

You know what that means, don't you? It means we have smart judges in town. In fact, we hear there are four more judges working on overturning Super Bowls IV, VIII, IX and XI.

It could become a trend throughout the league. To heck with the Collective Bargaining Agreement. To heck with Ed Hochuli. To heck with Commissioner Roger "You're Fined!" Goodell.

Judges unite! Take over the league for the good of your local squads!

MIN off at DET: Vikings by 7. Yet another Minneapolis judge has ruled that as long as Jared Allen keeps feeding the media really good quotes, he can hit quarterbacks whenever and however hard he wants.

CIN +13 1/2 at IND: Colts by 10. A Cincinnati judge ruled that all offensive-minded prisoners in a seven-county area are free to sign with the Bengals' 32nd-ranked attack.

JAC +6 1/2 at CHI: Jaguars by 3. A Chicago judge has ruled that the mother of Brian Urlacher's son should be happy Brian isn't painting the kid's toes green and gold.

HOU +5 1/2 at GB: Packers by 7. A Green Bay judge ruled that Aaron Rodgers' fantasy stats are better than Brett Favre's and the Jets must switch records with the Packers.

NYJ -4 at SF: Jets by 7. A New York (or New Jersey) judge counter-ruled, saying "Oh, yeah? Well, I am rubber and you are glue. Anything you rule bounces off me and sticks to you. J-E-T-S, Jets, Jets, Jets!"

CLE +13 1/2 at TEN: Titans by 20. A Cleveland judge has ruled that the ground cannot cause incompletions on balls thrown to Braylon Edwards.

PHI +7 at NYG: Giants by 10. A New York (or New Jersey) judge ruled Plaxico Burress can shoot any limb he wants because the Giants don't need the bum anyway.

ATL +3 at NO: Saints by 7. A New Orleans judge has made the Vikings 6-6 and the Saints 7-5, arguing that no freakin' way did Minnesota deserve to win that Monday nighter.

MIA +1 vs. BUF in Toronto: Bills by 3. A Miami judge has ruled that this game be returned south of the Canadian border since a December road trip to Buffalo already was bad enough.

KC +9 at DEN: Broncos by 10. A Denver judge has ruled in favor of a Broncos victory. After all, the winner of the AFC West really shouldn't go 1-3 against Oakland and Kansas City.

STL +14 at ARI: Cardinals by 7. A Phoenix (or Glendale) judge has ruled the season over since the longer the Cardinals play, the less respect we all have for them.

DAL +3 at PIT: Steelers by 7. A Pittsburgh judge has agreed to let Pacman Jones play for the Cowboys, but only if he covers Hines Ward one-on-one.

NE -4 1/2 at SEA: Patriots by 6. A Seattle judge ruled Mike Holmgren already served his sentence and can retire early.

TB +3 at CAR: Buccaneers by 3. A Tampa judge ruled University of Tennessee coach Lane Kiffin cannot hire any Bucs assistant who changed his diapers 30 years ago.

UPSET SPECIAL

WAS +5 at BAL: Redskins 27, Ravens 24.

With the 'Skins having lost three of four since Election Day Eve, a Washington, D.C., judge has ruled that Barack Obama must change things back to the way they were.

Last week: PIT 24, N.E. 21 Result: PIT 33, N.E. 10 Season: 8-4