It's like one of those children's holiday shows: New Year's Eve is in danger, fellas! We've got to do something or it just won't be the same! This is where a magical snowman or illuminating reindeer usually enter the picture. Or a business-district association; that'll work, too.

MTV has moved the event to . . . New Jersey.

A pre-taped countdown to a new year that does not exist yet. Perfect. Meanwhile, other "Jersey Shore" "stars" will be at MTV's studio in Times Square, and will attempt to lead the crowd in the world's biggest simultaneous fist-pump. Given the number of drunks in Times Square on New Year's Eve, the number of people who punch someone else will probably be equaled by the number who punch themselves.