New Year's Eve is less than a week away. Do you know where you'll be acquiring the year's most horrendous hangover?
No? Let me help.
Open-bar parties are still the trend du jour, with many clubs promoting all-you-can-drink packages. If risking your life by drinking outrageous amounts of alcohol isn't your No. 1 priority, some bars hope to attract clubgoers with the simple prospect of a really cool party. Did you know NYE is also a good night for comedy?
Here's a look at what's out there.
SOL2010: A SPACE ODYSSEY
Party: All four levels will be turned into a giant spaceship. Plus DJs galore, break-dancing robots and an open bar.
Info: $75 advance/$90 door. 9 p.m. Thu. 900 Hennepin Av. S., Mpls. 612-338-0062. www.soleranye.com.
2010: DEEP SPACE DANCETERIA
Where: First Avenue.
Party: Synth-disco duo Classixx lead the DJ festivities, with Soviet Panda and others in tow.
Info: $5/$15. 8 p.m. 701 1st Av. N., Mpls. 18 and older. 612-332-1775. www.first-avenue.com.
THE JETSET 2010
Where: Envy and the Lounge.
Party: It's a miracle! Two nightclubs working together. One open-bar ticket gets you access to both places, each with rooms re-created as different cities -- Paris, Rome, Hong Kong, London and Bollywood, India (OK, that's not an actual city).
Info: $75. 400 1st Av. N., Mpls. and 411 2nd Av. N., Mpls. www.thejetset2010.com
Where: Cowboy Slim's.
Party: The Uptown bar's parking lot will be covered by a tent. Inside: Tim Mahoney, Quietdrive, hay bales and a mechanical bull.
Info: $20/$25. 6:30 p.m. 1320 W. Lake St., Mpls. 612-353-5156. www.cowboyslims.com.
WHITE OUT PARTY
Where: W Minneapolis-The Foshay.
Party: No resolutions here, just absolution. Come dressed in white (to "reflect your renewed innocence" they say). A clubgoing clergyman will take confessions amid all the sinning.
Info: Free. 9 p.m. 821 Marquette Av. S., Mpls. 612-215-3700. www.whotel.com/minneapolis.
THE CRYSTAL BALL
Where: International Market Square.
Party: The year's chic-est party has a fashion show hosted by "Project Runway" stars Ra'mon-Lawrence Coleman, left, and Christopher Straub, right. Music by the New Congress and 13 DJs.
Info: $40/$50. 9 p.m. 275 Market St., Mpls. 21 and older. www.nyempls.com.
"MAD" NEW'S YEAR EVE
Where: Hotel Minneapolis.
Party: Jumping on the "Mad Men" bandwagon, the downtown hotel turns back the clock to the 1960s with jazz trio the New Standards.
Info: $35. 8 p.m. 215 4th St. S., Mpls. 612-340-2000. www.thehotelminneapolis.com.
DJ SETH GOLD
Where: The Saloon.
Party: The downtown gay club has landed this nationally touring DJ.
Info: 9 p.m. 830 Hennepin Av. S., Mpls. 612-332-0835. www.saloonmn.com.
CHEAP 'N' DIRTY
Where: Ground Zero.
Party: It's a sign of the times at this bondage club. Cheap drinks and free admission if you bring your unemployment check receipt.
Info: $5. 10 p.m. 15 NE. 4th St., Mpls. 612-378-5115.
Party: If you don't think of St. Paul as party central, think again. This gay club in Lowertown will be open until 3 a.m.(!) with DJ Frayz.
Info: Free. 10 p.m. 213 E. 4th St., St. Paul. 651-225-4528. www.rumours-stpaul.com.
Annex: $55. 528 Hennepin Av. S., Mpls. 612-338-1730. www.lonetreeannex.com.
Aqua: $65. 400 1st Av. N., Mpls. 612-232-3232. www.aquampls.com.
Bar 508: $65. 508 1st Av. N., Mpls. 612-339-0036. www.bar508.com.
Bootleggers: $65. 323 1st Av. N., Mpls. 612-338-4555. www.bootleggersmpls.com.
Elixir: $55. 322 1st Av. N., Mpls. 612-746-4004. www.elixirmpls.com.
Fine Line: $66/$76. Music by Trampled by Turtles. 8 p.m. 318 1st Av. N., Mpls. 612-338-8100. www.finelinemusic.com.
Hell's Kitchen: $65/$85. Unlimited champagne, with Vic Volare. 10 p.m. 80 S. 9th St., Mpls. 612-332-4700. www.hellskitcheninc.com.
414 Soundbar: $75. 414 3rd Av. N., Mpls. 612-333-0363. www.414soundbar.com.
Majors Sports Cafe: $50/$65. Various locations. www.majorssportscafe.com.
Seven: Starting at $50. 700 Hennepin Av., Mpls. 612-238-7777. www.7mpls.com.
Stella's: $75. 10 p.m. 1400 W. Lake St., Mpls. 612-824-8862. www.stellasfishcafe.com.
Ugly Mug/RocBar: $55/$65. 106 N. 3rd St., Mpls. 612-343-5930. www.uglymugminneapolis.com.
MYSTIC LAKE CASINO
Who: Whoopi Goldberg.
The show: Nowadays, she spends most of her time gabbing on ABC's "The View." But she'll do a rare stand-up set (two shows) in the Mystic showroom.
Info: 7 and 9:30 p.m. $59-$69. 2400 Mystic Lake Blvd., Prior Lake. 952-445-9000. www.mysticlake.com.
Who: Lizz Winstead.
The show: The Minnesota native (and co-creator of "The Daily Show") will review 2009's ups and downs in a political satire called "What the ---- Just Happened?!" MSNBC's Ed Schultz will join her in roasting the year that was.
Info: 9 p.m. $35. 4814 Chicago Av. S., Mpls. 612-822-3030, www.theparkwaytheater.com
HOUSE OF COMEDY
Who: Kyle Cease.
The show: Two sets from the young comedian known for his role as the Slow Clapper in "Not Another Teen Movie" and his Comedy Central special "Weirder. Blacker. Dimpler."
Info: 7:30 and 10 p.m. $25.95-$65. Mall of America, fourth floor, Bloomington 952-858-8558. www.houseofcomedy.net
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