CHLOE & THEO
⋆ out of four stars
Rating: PG-13.
Theater: Arbor Lakes.
As the summer release season scrapes the bottom of the barrel, you may still have room on your commemorative shelf of the year's lamest oddities. It is about as exciting as watching a gerbil on an exercise wheel.
Dakota Johnson, the only admirable element in "50 Shades of Grey," does what she can to elevate this threadbare indie, with worse results. She plays Chloe, a homeless New Yorker who welcomes Inuit newcomer Theo (Theo Ikummaq). The street urchin digs his pacifist attitude, volunteering to slip him past United Nations security to offer the warning about global warming that his elders have sent him to deliver. Mira Sorvino plays a socialite with a dramatic secret who joins their quest, André De Shields appears as a ghetto know-it-all who tries to navigate the crusade.
By the end of the film, Theo hopes to go home to the igloo and you wish him luck. Borrowing themes from "Candide," it makes us wonder why bad things happen to good people. Including movie audiences.
COLIN COVERT
A WALK IN THE WOODS
⋆⋆⋆ out of four stars
Rating: R for language and some sexual references.
There's a classic moment in "Butch Cassidy and the Sundance Kid" when our heroes are stuck on a cliff, looking down to the fast-flowing river far below. Butch tells his partner, who can't swim, not to worry since "The fall will probably kill you," and Sundance says a very naughty word that became the most memorable movie quote of 1969.
Robert Redford is stuck in the wilderness 46 years later in "A Walk in the Woods," finding himself and his wisecracking companion in a similar difficulty. He says something even profaner, and again it's one of the best things in a first-rate movie.
The film is based on the travelogue by Bill Bryson, one of America's most addictively entertaining nonfiction writers. His bestselling memoir of his attempt to tackle the challenging Appalachian Trail hike is a project Redford owned for many years.
He shares the screen with Nick Nolte, whose mammoth stomach, unkempt hair and gravelly voice are perfect for the unfit, funny, slovenly Steven Katz, a recovering alcoholic school friend of Bryson's who insisted on coming along for the trek.
Redford plays Bryson as a whimsical curmudgeon who reveres the beauty of his country more than the people who inhabit it. Comedy isn't the hallmark of his career. But released from the shackles of his serious stereotype, Redford glorifies every gag in the script.