My mother always said, "You can't count on anyone but yourself." Looking back, I can understand why she believed that. She grew up poor and when she left home, her parents didn't give her any support, emotional or financial. She married and had kids but ended up raising us all on her own. She was the hardest working woman I have ever known and she worked her way up from poverty to financial security through sheer will and perseverance. And she did it with little to no help from anyone. In that way, she is a success story, proof of the possibility in the American Dream.

Right before I started college, I asked her, "What is the one thing you want for me in life?" She answered without hesitation: "Independence."

She got her wish.

My mother, my father and I split the cost of my first year of college equally. After that, I did it on my own. I worked and took out loans and put myself through college and graduate school. I never asked my mother for money or help of any kind and she never offered. I had taken to heart every lesson in self-reliance she had taught me and she took my independence as a sign that she had done her job well.

But friendship, marriage and motherhood have changed my perspective. I've learned that to have strong relationships with people, you have to be able to rely on each other and that makes life so much easier.

I've gone to be with friends in the middle of the night when they were sick. I've put kids down for naps so their frustrated parents could take a break. I've driven people to the airport and painted rooms and made dinners and countless other things and I've received more than I could imagine in return.

One of the first times I reached out for help, my daughter was about 8 months old. She had thrown up in her crib and I had changed the sheets and cleaned her up and was about to put her back down when she began throwing up again, all over herself, the fresh sheets and me. It was the middle of the night. My partner was out of town and I was overwhelmed. I called a friend and explained and then said, "Can you just come and hold the baby for me?" She was at my house in minutes. Could I have handled it by myself? Yes, but it was so much easier with a little help.

And just this week, I had an opportunity to take a trip to DC for a work event while my partner was away for work. I reached out to my friends who graciously collaborated and made a plan to look after my kids for the two days I was gone. When I told my kids and asked how they felt about it, they shrugged. "They're like family. It's no big deal." That is the truth because we have raised our kids together, stepping in to help each other when needed. My life is better because of the people with whom I share it.

Though asking for help will always be hard for me because my mother's words still echo in my ears, I am learning to do it and when help is offered before I even ask, I am learning to "accept with grace and courtesy," as one of my friends says. This is what I want to model for my children. Independence is good, yes, but interdependence is too. I think about how hard my mother's life was and know that it would have been a little easier had she had someone with whom she could share her burdens. Maybe she would have been a little happier. I want my kids to be independent but if they ever ask me the one thing I want for them, I'll answer without hesitation: "Happiness." With so many friends and family in their lives who love them, I hope we've given them a good start.

PHOTO CREDIT: VIKKI REICH