We have been bracing for the list of closings, and it was finally revealed: 27 Starbucks outlets will be shuttered in Minnesota, leaving only 45,234. Hasta barista, baby.
The effect on the Twin Cities will be light -- the average citizen will still be within six minutes of a $4 cup of coffee at all times. Productivity will not suffer as people slump over at their desks from lack of jitter-juice. The people you have to pity -- aside from the employees, who probably can't fill a bathtub now without thinking "room for cream?" and won't soon find another job requiring that question -- are the folks in the small towns who will lose a piece of the outside world.
A Strib story last week by Emma Carew told the plight of Albert Lea teens mourning the loss of their coffee shop.
And you can understand why: Starbucks was like an embassy of a country where people sat around and read foreign newspapers, like the Wall Street Journal, and discussed things. You could open a locally owned coffee shop in the shuttered 'Bucks storefront, but it wouldn't be the same.
Having a Starbucks somehow meant the rest of the world cared. I know what they mean: In Fargo, when the big-city chain Embers first came to town, people almost put on formalwear to go there.
If your favorite Starbucks is closing, you can even make coffee at home, and pretend you're the barista. Can I start a coffee beverage for me? Yes, I can. What would I like? Er, coffee. Do I want light roast, or the dark roast made from shade-grown fair-trade beans that were passed through the digestive system of a civet? Um, the first one. The Folgers.
It's not the same, but if you set four dollar bills on fire while you do it, it's close.
jlileks@startribune.com • 612-673-7858 More daily at www.startribune.com/buzz.
