It seems everyone lost something during Week 5 of the NFL season.
Let’s start in Chicago, where Bears fans lost that perpetual sense of hopelessness at quarterback. At least temporarily. But stay tuned. These folks get grumpy when they haven’t seen a Pro Bowl passer since Jim McMahon in 1985.
And they are fickle. If Mike Glennon had fumbled inside his 20-yard line and threw an interception that handed the Vikings a chip-shot, game-winning field goal, they would be enraged by two more game-killing turnovers in another lost season. But when rookie Mitch Trubisky does that in his NFL debut, it’s hailed as a necessary education.
Just try not to learn too much more the hard way, Mitch.
In New York, the Giants’ formerly can’t-lose offense lost Odell Beckham Jr. and Brandon Marshall for the season. And Eli Manning seems to be losing any chance of a graceful exit from the Big Apple.
In Houston, the Texans defense lost J.J. Watt and Whitney Mercilus for the season.
And speaking of Houston, in Cleveland, the Browns keep adding to their Ring of Coulda, Shoulda, Woulda Quarterbacks. Last year’s inductee, Philly’s Carson Wentz, has now slipped the anything-but-orange jacket on this year’s enshrinee, Houston’s Deshaun Watson.
In New Orleans, a round hole (Saints offense) lost its square peg (Adrian Peterson) when the latter was traded to Arizona for a conditional draft pick. The desperate Cardinals get a boost for their invisible running game, while AP’s final last stand will come in the desert, as Emmitt Smith’s once did.
In Miami, now-former Dolphins offensive line coach Chris Foerster took the inside lane on Oddest NFL Story of the Year. He has resigned after a 56-second video on social media showed him snorting three lines of a powdery white substance.
According to the New York Daily News, a woman named Kijuana Nige posted the video to Facebook. She claims Foerster sent the video to her “professing his love.” Then she attacked the people who attacked her for posting the video.
“The white people mad at me like I forced blow down this mans nose and like I recorded it on tha low,” Nige’s post stated. “Noo those are his habits and he recorded himself and sent it to me professing his love. So quick to make excuses for him but will roast a minority player over an (anthem), dog fights, weed, domestic issues etc. But y’all keep saying ALL LIVES MATTER …‼”
You would like to say these things don’t happen. But they happen, even to coaches. Remember 2006, when then-Lions defensive line coach Joe Cullen was arrested for going through a Wendy’s drive-through wearing nothing but his birthday suit?
Yes, alcohol was involved.
In Tampa, the Bucs lost a game and then a kicker. Nick Folk proved that in a low-scoring game against Tom Brady, it’s not good to go 0-for-3 on field-goal attempts while your counterpart goes 4-for-4.
So the Bucs turned to Patrick Murray, a guy they released a year ago after drafting Roberto Aguayo in the second round. Murray made 20 of 24 field goals for the Bucs in 2014, spent 2015 on injured reserve and played two games for Cleveland last year.
Ah, the life of an NFL kicker.
In Indianapolis, Peyton Manning lost center stage to Mike Pence’s hunch that not all 49ers would be on their feet for the national anthem.
In Pittsburgh, Ben Roethlisberger lost a game and, apparently, his self-confidence. After the first five-interception game of his 210-game career, he said, “Maybe I don’t have it anymore.”
Of course, sometimes I wonder if today’s athletes even listen to what comes out of their mouths. So many of them are on autopilot when they speak to groups of reporters.
After Roethlisberger said that, he was asked a follow-up question about whether he doubted himself. Without missing a beat, he said, “Not at all.”
Meanwhile, in Dallas, the Cowboys lost a game because Dak Prescott got in the end zone with too much time left.
He scored with 1 minute, 13 seconds left, leaving Aaron Rodgers down by three points.
Yes, the Packers have lost a lot of their health as they head for Minnesota in Week 6. But as long as No. 12 is in the upright position, the Packers are going to win even as they continue to lose bodies.
Mark Craig is an NFL and Vikings Insider. Twitter: @markcraigNFL