Lindsay Lohan is now a fugitive from justice in exciting, glamorous Europe! She was supposed to be back in the US for a court hearing to explain why she couldn’t complete her court-mandated alcohol-education lessons - and no, that doesn’t mean “don’t mix gin and beer,” but “don’t drink and drive your car into the highway, stop it, get out and run around yelling you can do what you want because you’re a celebrity.” Perhaps Coke-and-Red-Bull-education lessons might be apt, but California doesn’t offer those. Budget cutbacks. Anyway, she would have come back to the US to complete her legal obligations, but the Icelandic ash cloud and the Greek debt crisis ate her passport:
An attorney for Lindsay Lohan says the actress will miss a mandatory court appearance Thursday because she is stuck in France. Attorney Shawn Chapman Holley says Lohan's passport was stolen while she was at the Cannes Film Festival. Holley told ABC7 that Lohan has an appointment Thursday at the American embassy to have the passport replaced. Holley did not respond to telephone and e-mail messages left by The Associated Press Wednesday. Superior Court Judge Marsha Revel ordered Lohan, 23, to appear in a Beverly Hills courtroom for a progress report on her probation stemming from two arrests in 2007. Revel could issue a bench warrant for Lohan's arrest for missing the hearing — standard procedure when someone skips a court date.
Standard procedure for mortals, yes. But she’ll probably do some time, because Hollywood types can only push the System so far before judges decide that normal rules must apply to all, even people who have substantial entries on imdb. Harsh, but this is a nation of equals.
UPDATE: the judge has issued an arrest warrant. Interpol, it's over to you.