Lions are better than nothing

STATS is a statistical service that has been very busy giving us further proof that the Detroit Lions are indeed a really bad team.

For instance, STATS tells us that if the Saints outscore the Lions by six points on Sunday, the Lions will establish the worst point differential at home in NFL history. The 1981 Colts will hold the dishonor of a minus-146 differential for at least another three days.

STATS also tells us that the Lions' average margin of defeat at home (20.1) is the worst since the 1960 expansion Cowboys got whupped by an average of 20.8 at home. (ESPN blames that one on T.O. for not being born until 1973.)

The Lions are 0-14 and trying to avoid becoming the first team to go 0-15. The last team to get that opportunity -- the 1980 "Aints" -- beat the Jets in Week 15. The last team to lose all of its games, of course, was the 1976 expansion Buccaneers.

To cheer up the Lions, here are some areas in which they are every bit as good or better than these other teams:

BAL +4 at DAL: Cowboys by 7.

The Lions have as many victories as the Cowboys have positive appearances on SportsCenter.

The Lions have the same winning percentage in Super Bowls as the Vikings.

PIT -2 at TEN: Steelers by 3.

The Lions are better than the Steelers at selling themselves as a great opportunity for overweight retired quarterbacks.

MIA -4 at KC: Dolphins by 6.

The Lions are better than the Chiefs at presenting a greater challenge for Patriots personnel guru Scott Pioli.

The Lions have beaten just as many good teams as Arizona has the past two months.

CIN +2 1/2 at CLE: Browns by 7.

The Lions are better than the Browns at not making preseason prognosticators slap their foreheads and go, "Doh!"

PHI -5 at WAS: Eagles by 3.

The Lions are better than the Eagles in embracing the idea of a tie game with Cincinnati.

The Lions will have as many playoff games under Rod Marinelli as the Rams and 49ers will have under Mike Nolan, Mike Singletary, Scott Linehan and Jim Haslett.

NO -7 at DET: Saints by 10.

The Lions are better than the Saints at not wasting a good quarterback on a .500 team.

NYJ -4 1/2 at SEA: Jets by 7.

The Lions are good enough to join Seattle in the NFC West.

The Lions are better than the Raiders at understanding that they're utterly horrible.

BUF +6 1/2 at DEN: Broncos by 10.

The Lions have one fewer loss in Canada than the Bills and as many victories as the Broncos when Tatum Bell starts at running back.

SD +3 at TB: Bucs by 6.

Lions QB Dan Orlovsky will have as many playoff appearances this year as Philip Rivers, LaDainian Tomlinson and Antonio Gates combined.

The Lions have exactly as many playoff appearances in the post-Favre era as the Packers.

UPSET SPECIAL

CAR +3 at NYG: Panthers 20, Giants 17.

The Lions have exactly as many victories as the Giants since Barney Fife's, er, Plaxico Burress' firearm discharged.

Last week: Giants 28, Cowboys 21. • Result: Cowboys 20, Giants 8. • Season: 8-6.

9-7 / 6-9-1 vs. spread

Season record