Should we pass a law against texting and fishing? Yes! You might not notice that invasive carp sneaking into your cooler. Texting and curling? Ban it now: Distracted sweeping is a threat to public safety. You might balk at a ban on texting while bowling, of course. Who hasn't been six steps from the foul line and realized you didn't respond to that text you got when you were putting on your shoes? Gah, it's always something. You stop, put down the ball and respond: THE EPI-PEN IS IN THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT. All-caps so they know you're irritated.

These are sensible steps. But texting while walking? Madness. A New Jersey legislator has proposed that people who walk across the street while texting be fined $50 for the first offense, and be sent to jail for 15 days if they persist.

You can sympathize. The other day I was turning into a parking lot, but paused: Someone was standing in the driveway, texting. Waited half a minute. She did not move. I checked for the OIL SLICK and FLAME THROWER buttons but remembered I hadn't bought the Bond package, so I beeped. She looked up, confused, then high-stepped out of the way as if I'd leaned out with a six-shooter and yelled, "Dance, varmint!"

Yes, walking and texting can be dangerous. People can walk right into traffic. This is called natural selection. When the first generation of humans stood upright, two things happened: Mothers said "don't slouch" to their teens, and someone looking at a bug on his palm walked off a cliff. This helped suppress the genetic predisposition for not paying attention, but we're still prone to preoccupation. When novels were big in the 18th century, people went headfirst into canals. Moses probably walked straight into a rock on the way down with the tablets because he was studying Commandment No. 4.

The hatred of walking and texting is based on our derision of others. You should be engaged with our surroundings! Savor the vitality! Nod to fellow citizens, make eye contact! Well, downtown, eye contact often leads to someone saying, "Excuse me, sir, may I ask you a question?" And you say yeah, thinking he's going to ask for money, and he says, "What was the proximate cause of the Hundred Years War? I understand that religious differences had gripped a divided Europe, but surely the dislocation caused by economic advances in farming was a contributing factor."

"Don't underestimate the strains on the feudal system," you say. And he says, "Of course, the rise of the guilds has to be considered. Say, you got a dollar?" That doesn't happen when you're texting. You exude a force field: Whoa, don't mess with that one. He's typing.

If they ban texting while walking, then people will simply stop on the street and text, and instead of running into a pole you will run into them. So we'll have to have statutes governing the process: You cannot just stop, but must slow your gait while extending your right hand up and wiggling the fingers to indicate a texting situation. Before texting you must don a hat with flashing red lights fore and aft.

Granted, it'll make you look silly. Sillier than stabbing your phone while you stalk across the street? It's possible, I suppose.

jlileks@startribune.com • 612-673-7858 • @Lileks • facebook.com/james.lileks