Anthony Lonetree's Aug. 1 article, "Bookstore break-in: A case for Guy Noir," caught my attention.

Images of the thieves recorded on the surveillance video may lead the St. Paul gendarmes to the miscreants. But the suggestion that one of the burglars may have been wearing an Augsburg College cap was a total surprise. Is this possibly an example of Lutheran profiling? To suggest that an Augsburglar is on the loose strikes me as highly unlikely for several reasons.

It is well known that Lutherans always leave thank-you notes, and apparently none was found. Moreover, did the proprietors of the bookstore notice any missing copies of Siri Hustvedt or SØren Kierkegaard? How about incriminating fingerprints in the Sinclair Lewis or Robert Bly sections? Did the managers of Nina's Coffee Café notice any missing Gevalia? Finally, it should be noted that few, if any, Lutherans, particularly the Norwegian variety, are not home snoring in their pajamas at 1:20 a.m.

And I should point out that Assistant Manager Martin Schmutterer's description of one burglar as a "goateed loser in longshorts and a Longhorns cap" would have received no more than a C-minus for primitive alliteration from Anne Pedersen, my freshman English professor at Augsburg College. At least he did not split any infinitives or dangle any participles.

Finally, let me show support for the sleuth who solves this crime by offering a $100 reward -- in the form of a gift certificate to Common Good Books.

My words to the criminals are direct. We know you are out there somewhere. You can run, and you can hide, but sooner or later, one of the Marge Gundersons of our state will track you down!

PETER AGRE, MINNEAPOLIS; B.A 1970, AUGSBURG COLLEGE (A-MINUS IN FRESHMAN ENGLISH) AND WINNER, NOBEL PRIZE IN CHEMISTRY, 2003