Q As a manager, I sometimes have to give negative feedback and feel very uncomfortable with it. Consequently, I tend to hold back. How can I get better at this?
A Helping an employee improve is one of the great contributions you can make, and it's worth taking the time to learn to do it well.
The inner game
Start by managing your anxiety and dispelling any false notions you have about providing constructive criticism. Delve into the inner messages that you associate with it. Do you feel like you're accusing the employee of having done something "bad"? What if you are on the receiving end? If it's hard for you to accept feedback from your manager (or others), it'll likely be hard for you to believe that you're helping by offering feedback.
Notice your feelings. If you're angry, it'll be hard to be constructive. Moreover, you may be angry not because of the error, but because the employee put you in the situation of having to correct them. Or, if you're nervous, what are you afraid of? Ask yourself what is the worst that could happen. The employee could be angry or upset? If so, prepare by thinking about how you'll handle it.
Be realistic about how bad the situation is, and notice any tendency you may be feeling to dramatize things.
The outer game
Let's face it -- people usually know if they've messed up, so helping turn an error into a learning event is going to be more helpful than emphasizing the mistake. If they're truly unaware, then you'll need to start there.
Take each situation individually and map out an approach to addressing it. Consider the event that took place and the impact it had, whether it was on the organization, other people or the employee. Plan a "situation-action-outcome" feedback conversation. For example, "when you had an assignment and you were late, we couldn't meet the marketing group's expectation." Notice that there's no judgment, emotion or blame in this statement.
People vary in terms of sensitivity and communication style. While being clear and direct, take into account the employee's personality so that you increase the chances of having a successful interaction.
Next, ask for a moment of the person's time, and have a conversation in a place you'll have privacy. Outline your concern, and ask to hear their side. Be ready for a range of reactions and focus on keeping the conversation future-focused. Help the employee anticipate similar situations in the future and coach them to build their effectiveness.
Be timely. All this planning should be done quickly so that you can get the employee on track right away. You'll lose the learning opportunity by holding off too long.
The last word
Although it may not feel like it, you're doing your employee a favor by providing feedback and chances to improve.
What challenges do you face at work? Send your questions to Liz Reyer, a credentialed coach and president of Reyer Coaching & Consulting in Eagan. She can be reached at liz@deliverchange.com or 651-398-4765. Questions also can be submitted at www.deliverchange.com/coachscorner.