Joaquin Phoenix is on Letterman tonight. I'm telling you, this is when the mask comes off. He'll rip off the beard, settle back with a wry smile, and describe with urbane amusement the details of this elaborate hoax, then announce he's signed a deal to appear in "Gladiator 2." Audience rises and applauds! All is forgiven!

Or he sits there looking like a bear who's had the misfortune to be on TV just as the peyote hit, and mumble, and pick at his beard, and it will be really, really uncomfortable for all. Probably the latter.

In related news: his brother-in-law Casey Affleck was making a documentary no one wanted to see about a rapper no one wanted to hear, and managed to get himself sued for sexual harassment by two women who worked on the movie. One wanted $2 mil and the other $2.5 mil. According to the Hollywood Reporter. spokespeople for Affleck - can't these people ever say a word on their own behalf? - said:

I'm just reading between the lines, but that sounds like some money was paid. Most people don't sue, have it all dismissed, walk away, and say "well, that was mutually satisfying." Here's what they were suing about:

And so on, including nasty sexting, constant innuendo, hookers galore, the usual. My favorite part is the last line:

Can you imagine Cary Grant or Debbie Reynolds starring in something called "The F-Word?" No. And that's why we are blessed to live in an age where we have Casey Affleck to step up and do the job.