Studies now show that 35 hours of video are uploaded to YouTube every minute. This is some of it: Last season of "Jersey Shore" as a silent movie. What's wrong with this? Darn near everything, but since some sites are trying to make it go "viral," a term that has come to mean "seen by a lot of people," we must help out and do our part.

This is what people think silent movies look like, I guess: rinky-plinky piano music, everyone moving around very quickly. While pianos did accompany movies, the big productions often had full orchestra scores played by a large ensemble. Here's the opening for "Metropolis," which had an astonishing score. (Music starts around 1:40.)

As for the speed, that's because the films were often played back at speeds different from the original recording rate. Movies weren't standardized at 24 frames per second until the middle of the 20s. In the early days of hand-cranked cameras, the rate was all over the place. When played back today, they look fast and jerky, but that's not how they were originally shown.

Finally, the camera moves around too much, the angles are all wrong, and the edits are too quick. So you could call this "Jersey Shore imported into iMovie, after which someone applied the B&W, Bleach, Solarize, and Aged Film filters, under the impression that this is what movies used to look like.

Yes, Mr. Drain-the-Fun-Out-Of-Everything, that's me. The life of the party!