In case you missed it yesterday, critics have decided not to wait for the Spider-Man musical's official opening, and have fallen on the body with sharp knives.

We might have gotten a hint of its stinktitude when the title was announced. "Turn Off the Dark" is the sort of line you get in high-school sophomore poetry. The musical's full of such profundities as New York mag notes:

Uh huh. People are paying up to $277 for this. In previews. The final official version supposedly debuts March 15, after they've rewritten the book and the songs and changed the main character to the Green Hornet who lives below an opera house and has a crush on a singer. Because otherwise the only way this thing will work is if they guarantee someone falls from a high place every night.