I have been wanting to write a blog like this for a long time and after many comments made by readers of my previous blogs making inaccurate assumptions, I decided to set the record straight and frankly to come out swinging like the outspoken mom I am.

Personally, I am appalled at how many people believe they can even have an opinion about my choice to stay at home with my children let alone voice their opinion on how rich they think we are or how lazy I am because I choose not to work. I am not alone in this. It seems like right now there is a stigma against stay at home mothers that many of my friends feel too. (Obviously if you are a single parent....this does not apply, I am talking about 2 parent households.)

My husband came from a home where his mother was a stay at home mother, even after his father died she still made sure she was at home with him. I came from a single parent home where my mom was gone a lot and I saw my dad every other weekend. I was a latch-key child and on top of that, an only child, it was lonely and I don't have many fond memories of it. Because of both my husband's experience growing up and my experience growing up, we knew from the beginning I was going to be at home with our children. I did work part time for a bit until about halfway through my 2nd pregnancy, my mother watched my son 2 days and we had a sitter 2 days a week but, for us it wasn't worth the time away from our son. My husband and I knew we would have to make sacrifices for me to stay at home and frankly after running the numbers, it wasn't worth it anyway with me working and having day care costs.

I don't have anything against mothers who choose to work instead of staying at home with your children, it truly isn't for everyone. However, if you are choosing to work instead of being at home, that is your choice. Yes, I believe it is a choice to work or stay at home. You don't need to have 2 cars, you don't need a new wardrobe each season, you don't need that fancy new house and you don't need to be rich. I don't believe you can have it all, a career, family, and friends. Something will always suffer and in many cases, it is family time. My husband and I live life lean, we don't have a stock portfolio, we don't even have college savings for the children. We know when our childen head off to college, I will probably need to go back to work full time to help pay for college, I am ok with that. It is much more important to us that I am home now.

If you actually took the time to figure out and calculate how much it costs you to work as opposed to staying at home, you might be surprised. My husband and I did the math years ago and figured out I needed to have a job paying $50,000 a year or more to make it worthwhile. We had 3 small children all needing daycare, we only had one car so we would have needed another, I would have needed work clothes, and then you add in all the time you miss with the children, it just wasn't worth it to us. Even now with having 3 children in school and a toddler at home, I would still need to make a minimum of $30,000 a year to make it worthwhile. It would be fun to have a part time job but, I can't imagine that either since I am so busy just going to 3 children's school functions, making dinner every night, taking care of the baby and making sure I still have some time for myself, my husband, and my friends.

We aren't rich, never said we were, we live in a working class/blue collar community and we put our children first most often. I shop thriftly and carefully. I get hand me downs whenever possible and we watch how much we eat out. I make my budget monthly and have gone to cash only for everything except the bills we have on auto pay. We buy our cars used and we keep them for a long time. My husband just bought our first 2nd car in over 4 years and he paid $1700 for it. We make choices that allow us to be able to afford eating as much Organic/whole foods as possible. With four children life is expensive, especially when they have food issues like ours do. So, yes most of my budget goes to groceries but, wouldn't have it any other way and it is our choice. By the way, even when my husband was out of a job for a few years, our children still got home made meals made with organic foods as much as possible.

I gladly go without the latest and greatest clothes for myself, I gladly go without spa days and expensive haircuts. I don't color my hair(yet) and if I start someday, I will probably buy a box and do it at home. Being at stay at home mom means many times making sacrifices and I am ok with that. Those little people grow up way too fast and before we know it, they are gone and out of the house. We are the ones who made the choice to bring them into the world, the least I feel I can do is give them the best of me and give them the most of my time that I have to give. The world sets its claws into our children much too soon, it is my job to make sure my husband and I are the number one influences on our children for as long as possible. Children are not an accessory, they are a responsibility. My highest and best responsibility is raising our children.

It is a choice.

Here is a calculator for you to put some rough numbers in just to see how you are doing and how much money you really need to be making to be a working parent. Some people can afford it, some people choose to do it whether they can or not. That is your choice and I don't knock you for it so please don't knock me for mine.

http://homeparents.about.com/library/weekly/blworkcalc.htm