Julia Tarnorutskaya, 35, and her 39-year-old boyfriend have been dating for seven years.
She's hoping he'll be ready to move in with her soon, but she doesn't want to put too much pressure on him, and she's willing to take their relationship slowly, so he doesn't get scared and run.
"I don't think I've ever met anyone who is more afraid of commitment or making decisions than him," said Tarnorutskaya, a pediatric massage therapist who lives in Grayslake, Ill., with her 10-year-old son. She's been married before, but the seven years she's been with her boyfriend have been his longest, most significant relationship.
There isn't a single reason why some people are able to commit after a first date while others take years or even decades to put a ring on it.
But it appears that the percentage of people who aren't interested in marriage is rising.
Nearly half of adults are married, while a quarter have never been hitched, according to a 2018 Pew Research Center report. A 2014 Pew survey found that while 53 percent of never married adults said they'd like to marry, this number is down from 2010, when 61 percent said they'd like to tie the knot. And 32 percent said in the same study that they aren't sure if they want to get married, while 13 percent said they don't want to get hitched.
Fear or lack of interest?
"People who are commitment-phobic want a relationship, but they have a paralyzing anxiety or a fear of relationships," said Bela Gandhi, a Chicago-based relationship expert and owner of the Smart Dating Academy. For some, it can be triggered by parents who had a terrible relationship; others may have experienced their own bad breakup, even as long ago as high school, although they may be in their 40s now, she said.
Others are afraid of going through a potential divorce, losing out financially or experiencing some form of a bait-and-switch in attitude or behavior once there is a legal commitment, said Kevin Darne, an Illinois-based relationship expert and author of "My Cat Won't Bark! (A Relationship Epiphany)."