On Easter Monday I went to a funeral for my mother's cousin. In my family you show up for these things. We gather for the individual, and also for the institution of the family.
In my family, institutions matter, giving context and meaning to our lives. Institutions should be a force for good. If they are not, we work to change them.
The funeral felt like many I've attended in Minnesota Lutheran churches. We sang "How Great Thou Art," shared memories, laughed through tears, and ate ham sandwiches and bars afterward.
This funeral was also a bit different for me. It was the first I attended for a man being grieved for by his life partner, another man. No one mentioned this. It did not affect how the church did its work. The institution of the church facilitated a wonderful celebration of this man's life; it honored this family's loss, regardless of sexual orientation. The church was a force for good in its members' lives.
That night, I went online to read news. I came across a story about a church-sponsored scout troop in Seattle losing its charter from the Boy Scouts of America (BSA) for refusing to force out a gay leader. The church stood beside its longtime leader and stood up to the BSA. This church demonstrated the love and grace I had experienced earlier that day at a church in Minnesota. The BSA did not. I found myself again questioning the BSA. For me, this questioning is deeply felt and long-lasting.
I love scouting. I grew up in a scouting family. At 14 my friends and I started a Venturing Crew, the coed BSA program for older youth. I worked at Boy Scouts camp. During my first year of college I became the National Venturing President, representing 250,000 youth members. That same year, the U.S. Supreme Court decided Dale vs. the Boy Scouts of America, holding the BSA is a private organization and could set its own membership standards. The BSA chose to exclude, in their language, "avowed homosexuals." And so began a more than decadelong frustration with an institution whose mission of youth development I benefited from and believe in.
Despite my frustration, I've not left the BSA. I feel a duty to change it, working from the inside. My home council has led on moving the BSA toward non-exclusionary policies, and this has motivated me to stay involved.
Last spring, the BSA voted at its annual meeting in Texas on whether youth, up to 18, regardless of sexual orientation, should be allowed in the BSA. I went to watch the vote.