Q As a manager with more than 20 years' experience, I'm finding it increasingly difficult to deal with the aggressively disrespectful way many young employees deal with authority. How much of this is generational? A reflection of my management style? The larger culture that seems to encourage berating anyone you disagree with? What can I do to change the tone in my rather young team?

A Is it you? Is it them? Maybe both, so make a plan that creates shared standards and builds mutual understanding.

The inner game

First, address the personal stress that being in a high-conflict workplace has created for you. Build time into your day to recharge -- if only for five minutes in a quiet place or through chatting with someone you're comfortable with -- so that you don't get overwhelmed. Remember to take deep breaths to stay physically charged.

Then take a calm look at the situation. Do you have a widespread attitude issue, or is it more focused on a small number of individuals or even one individual? After all, anger management problems affect all generations, so extreme cases may not have much to do with generational differences at all.

Evaluate your skills in managing people who have expectations and values that differ from those you were raised with. Consider whether you bring a tone of openness and respect, or whether your approach triggers pushback from younger employees. This'll be hard to spot on your own, so find people who can give you feedback, and listen receptively, even if it's hard to hear.

Finally, set your goal. My hunch is that you're hoping to have a positive, results-focused workplace where people feel satisfied with their chance to make a difference. Focus on what your ideal outcome looks and feels like so that you can unite your team around this vision.

The outer game

As you set a new course, learn more about the workplace expectations of younger generations. As a group, you'll find that they want meaning in their work, and are collaborative, flexible, and used to having their needs addressed. Focus on the benefits that this provides, specifically, the ability to engage them in solving the problems you face in creative and energizing ways.

What does this mean in practice? Consider holding a session where you and your team talk about establishing a healthy and respectful work culture. If you've established that there really is a generational split, be open about that, but in way that reflects your willingness to adapt. Define the issue as you see it (needing to have a positive tone at work) and your vision for what the workplace should be. Then let the team build a shared vision and steps to get there.

If you have abusive employees, this will not solve your problem. However, creating explicit expectations with the team for what is -- and is not -- acceptable will help you set limits on what will be tolerated, and may help get them out the door if they can't adapt to your expectations.

The last word

Build bridges with younger employees without accepting behavior that crosses the line no matter the age group.

What challenges do you face at work? Send your questions to Liz Reyer, a credentialed coach and president of Reyer Coaching & Consulting in Eagan. She can be reached at liz@deliverchange.com or 651-398-4765. Questions also can be submitted at www.deliverchange.com/coachscorner.