Q I've been remarried for a year to a man with three children, all over 21. He has been divorced for five years, and we live in his former family home. His kids often come over for Sunday night dinner -- which afterward consists of their reminiscing about their mother for hours on end. My husband tells me they have done this for years. They laugh to tears, hearing the same silly stories over and over.

Mom is not dead. She's happy and healthy and lives in the next town. We are actually quite friendly. Why do I have to hear the same stories about her? It needs to stop. How do I approach this?

A This is a tough one because it sounds like this family approaches this time after dinner as a family ritual, which is bonding time. A divorce severs family ties, and these children of divorce have found a way to reinforce their family bond even though their parents' relationship has ended. It's actually quite healthy. Unfortunately for you, the subject is "crazy mom," and their reminiscing seems hurtful and insensitive.

Dad tells you that the kids have been doing this for years. This tells us that they're not necessarily being spiteful or insensitive, but attempting "life as normal" by not curtailing a practice that has been in place in their family home before you got there. By sitting around the table with you and continuing their family practice, they might actually think they are including you in their ritual, not reinforcing that you are an outsider or trying to make you jealous.

Remember, they see things on a different level. They're talking about their mother, not their father's ex-lover. It might lessen the stories' power to hurt if you mentally reframe them as being about mom, not your husband's ex.

If reframing doesn't help, talk to dad about discussing your discomfort with the kids. Get on the same page and during one of the after-dinner discussions, both gently bring up that the stories make you uncomfortable. Be clear about exactly what you want -- one or two stories, but not hours and hours? None at all? It's up to you.

Jann Blackstone-Ford and her husband's ex-wife, Sharyl Jupe, are the authors of "Ex-Etiquette for Parents."