Don't be intimidated when ordering wine

Eating out is supposed to be fun. Wine is supposed to be fun. So how come the two of them often go together like, well, oil and vino?

One word: intimidation, some (but too often not all) of it self-inflicted.

"People have a fear of being embarrassed and just not knowing what wines are or how to pronounce them," said Twin Cities restaurateur Kim Bartmann (Cafe Barbette, Red Stag, Bryant-Lake Bowl). "It's really hard information to keep track of. People also have a fear of being taken advantage of by the list itself. Their trust has been abused so many times, they don't have any trust that they're going to get what they pay for."

Throw in the pressure of impressing a date or business associate and that whole stuffy ordeal with the uncorking, and it's no surprise that facing a wine list can be out of one's comfort zone.

It doesn't have to be that way. Turning this fear factor into a fun factor -- no matter your wine knowledge -- is all about a few simple methods and approaches:

1. Check out the wine list online in advance.

It often is not completely up to date. But you can learn a lot about markups (compare it with a wine you recently bought in a store), the number of by-the-glass and half-bottle offerings (the more choices, the merrier) and how interesting the inventory is (the fewer brand names you recognize, the more likely it is that a lot of work went into the list). If vintages aren't listed, caveat emptor.

If the markups are daunting or there's little that makes you go "hmm," don't be afraid to move to Plan B.

2. Call about corkage policies (that would be Plan B).

Find out how much the restaurant charges per bottle if you bring your own wine (charges can be up to $30) and whether it provides a break on that fee if you also order wine off the list.

While you're at it, ask if the eatery has any half-price wine nights or other "specials." At Corner Table in Minneapolis, for example, they'll open any bottle on the list for customers who agree to buy two glasses.

3. Take your cue from the menu.

If it looks as though a lot of care went into the food, it's likely that the same holds true for the wine list. "If they serve a lot of local products and put a lot of effort into the kitchen," said Bartmann, "then they're going to put a lot of effort into the wine list."

That means you can order with aplomb, confident that there are no clunkers on the wine list. (It doesn't guarantee that any wine will suit your palate, only that the wines will be well-made.)

If, on the other hand, the menu is predictable and/or slapdash, your task just got harder.

4. Decide how much you're willing to spend.

Establish a limit, and then check out the bottles that cost, say, 20 percent less. If you find something you like, game over.

If you're not sure about a wine and want to ask the waiter about it, point to it on the list to establish your financial ballpark. You should never feel pressured (or even asked) to exceed your original limit. Also, keep in mind that, as the prices get higher, markups often get lower, percentage-wise (i.e. more expensive bottles have less of a markup).

5. Feel free to ask for, or about, anything.

At any establishment that wants you to come back, you should be able to get honest answers to questions such as: Has anything come in lately that you're particularly excited about?

Ask whether your wine would benefit from decanting -- as young reds often do -- or whether the restaurant has different kinds of stemware. (Good glasses and decanters are signs that the establishment is serious about wine.)

Whatever is important to you is worth a query: Which of your wines have organically grown grapes? Is this chardonnay unoaked?

Also, if a bottle you ordered arrives and is from a different vintage, or if you ordered a Reserve and got the regular bottling, there's nothing wrong with asking for a different wine.

6. Remember, it's just fermented grape juice.

Wine is food, a component of a meal. Choosing a wine should be approached just like deciding between grilled salmon or braised pork, soup or salad. Rather than get flustered, order a wine you like and don't worry about the pairing aspect.

Or just get a bubbly, which goes with pretty much everything and makes the occasion more festive. Or let everyone at the table order by the glass.

7. Breeze through "the ritual."

Relax and enjoy this often stuffy uncorking-and-pouring routine. Smelling the cork doesn't tell you anything; swirling, sniffing and sipping the wine does. If you think it's corked, oxidized or otherwise "off," ask a staffer to sample it. At this point, you're looking only for flaws; if you simply don't like the wine, consider yourself stuck with it.

Also, don't be crestfallen if the bottle comes with a screw cap. Many good wines do these days. And don't be alarmed if the sommelier or staffer pours a tiny amount at the outset. They're doing that for you, not for themselves.

8. Don't scrimp (much) on the tip.

Yes, the markup often is obscene. Comes with the territory. But the waiter still has to fetch and open the bottle and pour the glasses. Sometimes I'll tip the usual amount for the first $50 of a bottle's price and 10 percent beyond that (as long as I haven't consumed too much wine to do the tabulation).

I don't like the notion of tipping for corkage -- you're already paying a fee for that -- but that fee goes to the house and not the staff. I'm also not a big fan of tipping for the tax portion of the bill, although I usually give in there, too.

Regardless, if your server has worked hard all night, parsing the tip amount could be considered bad form.

9. Don't worry about finishing a bottle.

Under Minnesota law, you can put the cork back in the bottle and tote it home. Remember to secure the bottle in your trunk to comply with open-bottle laws.

Bill Ward • 612-673-7643