Divorce hurts, but it's not the end of the world

Stacy Morrison knew the moment her marriage was over.

In 2004, she and her husband, Chris Shannon, were dealing with a new baby, new house and Morrison's new, demanding job as editor of Redbook magazine. Shannon made his frustration crystal clear when he said, "I'm done with this."

"I panicked, and cried and cried," Morrison says. "We agreed that we would try and work on it."

They never said for how long, though.

When she later tried to hold a conversation with her husband, she realized he wasn't listening.

"I said to him, 'If we're trying, can you at least participate?' And he said, 'I'm not trying. I'm waiting for you to be done trying.' That's the day I said OK, the marriage is over."

Shannon moved out 2 1/2 months later. The divorce was final in 2007.

Morrison's ex-husband has a key to the Brooklyn apartment she shares with her boyfriend, and he's there at least two nights a week to hang out with Zack and put him to bed.

"Our relationship has continued to change as we've been apart," Morrison says. "It's been a long, slow letting-go process."

These days, Morrison makes a living as a freelance writer and editorial consultant while she keeps up her Website for the book, www.fallingapartinonepiece.com. The book was released in paperback this month.

Morrison discusses the ups and downs of breaking up:

Q: Your book talks about heartbreak, anger, grief and the end of a dream. How did you find the will to write about all that?

Q: What did you want after your divorce?

A: At first I thought I wanted answers. Why is this happening? Why is he leaving me? But what I really wanted was peace, clarity, to let go and to not have my divorce be the thing that defined me.

Q: Did you ever feel like a complete failure?

A: Oh, sure. You're kind of dazed in general feelings of suckitude. There's really no avoiding it. ... The way that I got that clarity about peace was self-preservation. There are a lot of feelings going on -- guilt, incredible rage. You feel hate, which is a terrible thing to feel. You feel frightened.

Q: You talk about being on a mission to feel successful in your divorce. Have you achieved that?

But you can let go with grace, even if your partner is kicking, screaming and fighting. Choose the high road.

Q: How does it feel to be in love again?

A: I'm still in a bit of a shock. Having a very serious and committed relationship after divorce might make you feel like you're walking on egg shells. But ... it feels really good. It's been a magical experience, like breathing for the first time. That was such a thrill to not feel like damaged goods. I do not feel like damaged goods. It's made me a stronger, smarter, more compassionate me.

Q: Why do you encourage your readers to be vulnerable and open with their partners through their divorce?

A: When a tree is being buffeted by the wind, the trees that survive are the ones that bend. The ones that are brittle and hard, they snap. We're built to be resilient, but our culture falls in love with being powerful. There is weakness in resilience, but there is also the power to snap back. My divorce brought me to my knees, but I came out with a strong, quiet strength.

A: I came to my knees, survived and didn't fall into a million little pieces. I want to bring hope to people, not just for divorce, but everything in life. It's about giving over to the hurt, loss and the grief, but it doesn't have to blow you into pieces.

Q: After going through something you never saw coming, what can you say you now know for sure?