Dear Prudence: My boyfriend and I have been together for two years and just moved in together. We're both 30 and have no plans to marry. My boyfriend's parents asked us when we wanted the wedding. We told them we weren't getting married, but they said we were being ridiculous.
This argument went on for a few weeks when his parents upped the crazy. They've booked their church for our "wedding" for next year and have also reserved a ballroom at a large hotel. They want us to decide on a band, flowers, food, etc. We told them that they can hold the wedding, but we won't be there. My boyfriend's mom also gave her travel agent my phone number and she's already left a couple of messages asking when I can come in to plan our honeymoon.
This is beyond weird. What else can we do to convince them that we are not getting married? My boyfriend has been as forceful with them about this as I have, so it's not a case of us sending mixed signals.
Prudence says: I don't have a subscription to Brides magazine, so I don't know if they've covered the ins and outs of a ghost wedding. There's probably not a lot that's been written about the etiquette of the non-bride who is not getting married whose boyfriend's parents have become (non)in-lawzillas.
What your boyfriend does is tell his parents that sadly they will lose all their deposit money if they go ahead with this farce. If they become monomaniacal on the subject of the wedding colors and floral arrangements, your boyfriend might have to tell his parents you two aren't communicating with them anymore until they come to their senses.
If they go ahead without you, let's hope that at the last minute they can find an engaged but broke couple on Craigslist who would love a wedding extravaganza and can step into your gown and your boyfriend's tux.
Send your questions to prudence@slate.com.
