Craig's List: Week 5 picks

Elsewhere on this page, we hand out the usual awards one sees when the NFL reaches the quarter pole of its season.

But here, we like to do some deeper thinking. Here, we don't care who the MVP is after four games. For all we know, he might even tear his biceps, finish 1-4 and get his coach fired. We also refuse to acknowledge the winner for "Coach of the Year Thru Oct. 5" over here.

Over here, we'll hand out some trinkets while trying to pick some winners outright and against the spread. And we promise not to never, ever, NEVER pick the Rams to upset anybody ever again. Hey, we only missed by 36 points. So back off.

First, a note on the picks. Three road teams are favored by 8 1/2 or more points, including the Vikings at St. Louis in the "Winner Gets To Move to Industry California Bowl." The Cowboys are 8 1/2-point favorites in a seemingly Romo-proof matchup at Kansas City. You take Tony. I'll take the points.

Now, let's get to those awards.

MIN -10 at STL: Vikings by 17 Sorry, Vikings fans, but Brad Childress gets the "Hey, I'm The Guy Who Talked Brett Favre Into Coming Here, So Where's My Contract Extension, Zygi?" Award.

DAL -8 1/2 at KC: Cowboys by 6 Wade Phillips gets the "Perpetually Most Confused Look of Any Coach in America at Any Level" Award.

TB +14 1/2 at PHI: Eagles by 10 The Bucs get the "NFL Team That Was Accidentally Rebuilt Into a UFL Team" Award.

OAK +15 1/2 at NYG: Giants by 17 Eli Manning gets the "Heck, I Can Beat the Raiders on One Foot" Award. JaMarcus Russell gets the "Quarterback Least Likely to Be Confused as the Third Manning Brother" Award.

CLE +6 at BUF: Bills by 3 Eric Mangini gets the "Be Patient, Browns Fans, Once I've Gotten Rid of All the Good Players, the Bad Ones Will Like Me" Award.

CIN +8 1/2 at BAL: Ravens by 10 Determined to "put a beating on" Cincinnati's DBs, Ravens receiver and former Bengal Kelley Washington gets the "I Want Revenge!" Award. The Bengals get the, "Uh, Who's Kelley Washington?" Award.

PIT -10 1/2 at DET: Steelers by 14 Zack Follett, who said "I feel kind of like a pit bull that's been caged up" after the Lions promoted him from the practice squad to help out on special teams, gets the "Good Thing Zack Isn't Playing The Eagles" Award.

NE -3 at DEN: Patriots by 7 Randy Moss gets the, "Sheesh, R.T., I Nudge One Meter Maid in Seven Years And You Go Marshal Dillon On Me" Award.

HOU +5 1/2 at ARI: Cardinals by 7 With four interceptions and a 1-2 record, 38-year-old quarterback Kurt Warner gets the "Why Do I Feel Older Than Brett Favre?" Award.

JAC off at SEA: Seahawks by 3 Green Bay fans get the,"Holy Crud, We Rank 51st On The Sporting News' List of Best Sports Cities, One Spot Behind Jacksonville, Home of the NFL Blackout" Award.

NYJ -1 1/2 at MIA: Dolphins by 3 Braylon Edwards gets the "I'd Punch a Friend of a Knicks Player, Too, If Only I Could Name a Knicks Player" Award.

IND -3 1/2 at TEN: Titans 24, Colts 21 After tying Fran Tarkenton in career touchdown passes, Peyton Manning gets the "If You Happen to Run Into Him and You're Looking For Small Talk, Do NOT Tell Grumpy Old Fran What a Good Job You think Brett Favre is Doing in Minny" Award.

Result: 49ers 35, Rams 0 (oops!)

Upset Special record: 2-2

SEASON TRACKER Last week; vs. spread: 11-3; 6-8