Q. I have an associate whose team seems to drop the ball pretty often, and who then deflects responsibility and points it at my team. How can I get him to be more accountable? I'm not trying to assign blame, just have my team treated fairly and be able to effectively plan and deliver our work.

Alain, 38, IT development lead

A. Use a combination of communication tactics to help achieve a more constructive working relationship.

Spend some time thinking deeply about the situation. You'll be more effective if you have some idea of why this is happening. What do you know about the pressures his team is under? The strengths and weaknesses of individual team members? His personal back story that may help explain this behavior? Note — this is not to find reasons to excuse the behavior; it's to help you address it in ways that will be likely to lead to your desired outcome.

After all, if you understand the "why," you'll likely approach any future conversations with an underlying note of empathy. Most people will pick up on that, and you'll be able to avoid a dysfunctional "us vs. them" dynamic.

Now assemble your facts. Prepare a couple of examples, laying out the information in a neutral way. Use a Me Statement tone to describe the impact so that your colleague will be less apt to be defensive. This will also serve as useful documentation if the problem escalates.

Tee up a discussion on ways to work together effectively. Have the chat when there isn't a current issue, if possible; this will help defuse emotion and get to root causes. Be clear about the changes that you'd like to see; for example, requirements in writing, formal signoff steps, and change management documentation. Often balls are dropped because good project management steps are rushed, and this would be an easy fix.

Also manage the impact outside your two teams. If your team takes the fall for work that falls short, is your team's reputation suffering? Talk to your boss to get a broader perspective and to make a remediation plan, if needed. Just be sure that repairing your reputation isn't done in a way that throws the other team under the bus, which would risk your reputation in a different way.

This dynamic can be hard on your team's morale, so tend to that, as well. Communicate your support for them. Venting time is important, too. Beyond that, help them develop any technical and interpersonal skills that help them deal with these challenges. For example, if someone is too reticent about stating what they need, support them in becoming more assertive. In that example, you might do some role playing or help draft an effective e-mail. These skills will serve them well beyond this situation and help them feel more empowered.

Bottom line, this failure to work together successfully is bad for your company as a whole, and is worth the time and effort to resolve.

What challenges do you face at work? Send your questions to Liz Reyer, a leadership coach and president of Reyer Coaching & Consulting in Eagan. She can be reached at liz@deliverchange.com.