Guys accused of putting a knife to their wife's throat often end up face-down outside on the sidewalk, tased until they shriek like donkeys who stumbled into a fire-ant nest. But actors on highly-rated shows? Ahhh, we can work around that.

Leaving aside what his ex-wife says about him, which is more or less sex maniac hopped up on goofballs - Sheen's a Truther who has requested a meeting with President Obama to request an investigation into the "9/11 coverup." So far no go. Anyone heard from his brother, Emilio, aka Charlie the Lesser? It's been years. If he's married and living a sane, decent life, he needs to step up his game, because Hollywood isn't just handing out millions to anyone these days. Bonus Sheen fact:

As one might expect. You know how you accidentally shoot someone? I don't know, but I suspect it might work like this: You point a loaded gun at someone and pull the trigger. Right? Unless you're cleaning an unloaded gun alone in the basement, and the Winchester Fairies magically fill it with bullets and start shoving loved ones in front of the barrel.