Should we legalize dogs at outdoor cafes? As reported by Jon Tevlin last week, the Legislature is working on a bill that would allow towns to permit pooches and people to sup together outside. Sounds very continental -- but only if you think of wee beasts the size of snow globes.
I wouldn't mind if someone's well-behaved dog sat quietly at its owner's feet, contemplating the reward of scraps to come with the gentle, submissive patience we associate with golden labs or middle-aged men on a mall bench waiting for their wives. But for some dogs, the combination of Food (want want want) and Other Dogs (sniff dominate argue) is a recipe for calamity. If you've ever gotten caught into a leash-braid woven by angry dogs in a rear- sniffing Mobius strip, imagine how it works when there are dainty metal tables and glassware around.
I'd never bring my dog. He begs. He makes a worried whining sound interspersed with querulous yodels; it's like a Swissman on a Magic Fingers bed. He salivates -- long, ropy dog drool. Worst of all, he becomes ... thrilled. Conspicuously excited. There are few things less conducive to a civilized meal than a whimpering animal exuding a quart of albino motor oil while his apparatus is deployed. You can't say "put that away," but you can command a whining dog to be still. Not all folks train their dogs, unfortunately.
For every dog who'd stand ramrod straight for an hour waiting for permission to breathe, there are 10 dogs who can't be bothered to heed the slightest syllable. Perhaps we strike a deal: You can bring your dog if you can prove he's trained. If the dog can prove that you're trained and won't ask the server for something while she has an armful of plates, all the better.
jlileks@startribune.com • 612-673-7858 More Lileks at www.buzz.mn.
