It was a first-grade report card that made Brett Mortenson suspect he wasn't teaching his son, Grant, a few of the independent skills he needed to know. While Grant's classroom grades were good, the teacher commented that he "needed improvement" tying his shoes.
"That was a big moment for me because I really wasn't even aware of it," said Mortenson, who lives in Minneapolis. "I'd never bought him shoes with laces because the Velcro kind were just so much quicker and easier for me to fasten for him."
As a single parent, Mortenson said, he's becoming more conscious of the fact that he does a lot of tasks for Grant, now 9, that his son could — and should — do himself, such as simple chores around the house or pouring his own breakfast cereal. Their busy lifestyle frequently means that the two are always rushing to school, work or activities such as basketball and piano.
"I know I've just gotten into the pattern of doing things for Grant since it's easier for me, but I definitely also know I want to start giving him more responsibility," Mortenson said.
Giving kids that responsibility — and letting them accept the logical consequences of it — can be an important part of their personal development.
A recent article on overparenting, "Why Parents Need to Let Their Child Fail," on the Atlantic magazine website defined the word as "parents' misguided attempts to improve the child's current and future personal and academic success." It featured details of a survey by the Queensland University of Technology on the common missteps made by parents, based on questions prompted by teachers, guidance counselors and psychologists. The responses focused on everything from cutting up a 10-year-old's food, to coming to the rescue at school with a forgotten lunchbox or homework assignment, to not allowing a teenager to learn to drive.
Developmental psychologist Marti Erickson, local co-host and owner of the Mom Enough podcast and website with her daughter Erin, said that while parents might think it's fine to create such an airtight support net for their child, in the long run they aren't doing them any favors.
"I've heard from college professors about parents contacting them regarding their student's assignments," she said. "Parents have failed to do their job as parents if they feel like they need to do that."