Gilbert Gottfried, who’s performing Friday and Saturday at the New Hope Cinema Bar & Grill, offered to serve as cameo critic, but as usual, he refused to follow directions. Instead of heaping praise, the comic dissected a beloved movie:

“When I saw ‘Titanic,’ that ship couldn’t have sunk fast enough. It’s about some rich woman who falls in love with a homeless guy and they have sex on a boat. And the boat hits an iceberg. At least 11 times during the movie, I screamed, ‘Hit the damn iceberg already!’ I always wanted to make a sequel where the guy and girl survive, she realizes how much better she had it with the rich guy. The two of them are walking down the street, and an iceberg appears and kills them.”