C.J.: Wake up, Leslie, and hang up

Emmy-winning actor Leslie Jordan woke up in a fit of misdirected rage Wednesday at the St. Paul Hotel.

He didn't get his wake-up call.

"I was going to cuss them out," Jordan told me Wednesday. "Then I looked. I had the phone off the hook." His pique would not have lasted: "I LOVE the St. Paul Hotel!"

I ran into Jordan while he was at Fox 9 promoting "Fruit Fly," his one-man show at St. Paul's Cabaret Theater inside Camp Bar. There are 7 p.m. performances Thursday, Friday and Saturday, and a 5 p.m. show Sunday. It's a raucous recollection of the childhood and teenage years of the self-proclaimed "Gayest man I know."

Fox 9 medical expert Dr. Archelle Georgiou was so tickled by how Jordan talked up his stage act on "The Buzz" segment that she told him she was coming to see him. She wanted to know if she could bring along a very mature 10-year-old. So Jordan gave Georgiou a sample of what he discusses. Dr. Georgiou decided that the 10-year-old is going to a sleepover instead of the theater.

There's also tame fare, such as Jordan's musing about 15 years of sobriety: "Honey, that's a long time between cocktails."

Kluwe's a hot propertyChris Kluwe is a cutie and that's not just my opinion of the courageous Vikings kicker.

Salon lauded Kluwe by borrowing a passage from Out magazine's feature about the married father of two and outspoken supporter of same-sex marriage, the part devoted to the art of crafting a devastating letter to someone whose views you find offensive. Kluwe's missive taking down a Maryland legislator put him on the national media map.

Standard insulting curse words won't do. "Generally the way that you do that is to take a swear word -- usually part of someone's anatomy -- and attach it to something else it wouldn't go with," Kluwe explained to Out, referencing the etymology of a word I can't print here.

Even if I could print it I wouldn't. As I told Kluwe, I thought the ugly words, innovative as they were, diminished his attack. He just looked at me and smiled. When I made that same point to satirist Lizz Winstead, I was told that I was wrong and Kluwe needed shocking words to make his point against the outrageous attitudes and attacks from the other side.

Kluwe and Winstead, who's expanding her annual New Year's Eve appearances at the Parkway Theater, are entitled to their opinions. Speaking of opinions, I'm disappointed not to have heard a single one from any of Kluwe's teammates expressing support for the kicker's courage in campaigning against an amendment that would have restricted marriage.

As Kluwe told me in an example of his thoughtful eloquence on the subject: "It's a stupid cycle every 50 years. Segregation, a woman's right to vote. Fifty years from now, what are our kids going to think about what we're doing?"

"The character that I play this year goes on a tremendous journey from where she starts to where she ends up. It's great as an actor to do that. They also know what kind of stuff I like to do, so they throw a lot of that my way," said Lange. "I also like to say, 'I'd like to do a song.' I'm not a singer but why not? Then they give me a nightclub act."

Kimmel was kind of joking when he said, "They bring the gang from 'Glee' over" because producer Ryan Murphy is responsible for both shows.

"Right," said Lange. "Actually they do. I work with the choreographers from 'Glee.' It's kind of humiliating but it's all right. It's all right. OK, this foot, then that foot ..."

The footwork Kimmel apparently does when watching her scary TV show is running over to turn off the TV. He said he lasted 18 minutes in the episode he watched before she appeared on his show. Kimmel also showed us that he or his people watch "Ellen," as he wanted to talk about Lange's place in northern Minnesota. Lange talked at length with DeGeneres about her place deep in the woods in her recent appearance on "Ellen."