No, it's not a Polar Vortex. Discovery.com:
Wacky? What's next, zany tornados? Madcap thunderstorms?
Ahem. We care. We really do. We just get a little summer. Seems cruel to add fall so early. Then again, well:
I was there yesterday. Deserted. For some peculiar reason people aren't just stocking up on glue pens yet.
I know that glue pens will be on the list of supplies; they always are. Sent daughter to school last year with a package of three. At the end of the year they were unopened. I don't know where they are now; I do know I will buy three more in a month or so. They will be Elmer brand, because I like Elmer the Borden Bull. In the old 1940s ads he's a blustering, hectoring, ill-tempered, impulsive fellow, constantly sputtering dismay over his wife Elsie's monomaniacal shilling for Borden products, but I think there was some underlying tension over her high public profile. Elmer worked in an office - we know this because he was frequently depicted leaving the house with a briefcase, and while it's possible he wandered the streets, alarming people - a bull, standing erect, wearing a hat, walking around as if he had to get in early to work on the Johnson Contract would be unnerving - but perhaps he knew that Elsie brought in the cream, so to speak. I don't know if she set him up in the glue business, or if he started it himself after the calves were out of the house and she divorced him.
PLEASE DON'T GO The most astonishing customer assistance call ever recorded for future generations to understand how you can combine cheerfulness, anonymity and Kafkaesque bureaucracy. It's a Mobius strip. Embedding isn't working for some reason, so here it is. It's mortifying.
"Why do you want to do this?"
"Because that's what we want to do."
