Ask Amy: Anniversary getaway is all business

Dear Amy: I have been planning a four-day weekend getaway with my wife to celebrate our 20th anniversary. We have school-age children and work full time. We decided we owed ourselves a little enjoyment on a milestone anniversary.

We booked a room at a very nice resort with an in-room hot tub. We had plans for breakfast in bed, sightseeing, dining on a lake cruise, antiquing and just relaxing and reconnecting.

Last week while discussing our plans, my wife matter-of-factly said, "Just so you know, we aren't going to have any sex on this trip."

While intimacy between us has dropped off significantly over the past few years (though not through lack of my trying), I never would have expected her to say that.

Now I don't even want to go. I am angry and insulted. Why would she say that? What should I do?

Amy says: I can imagine how insulted, disappointed and sad you feel. This sounds like a nice celebration and also a bit of a (lovely) seduction.

This abrupt announcement from your wife should be a conversation starter, to say the least.

You should ask your wife why she felt compelled to make this announcement. Be honest about your reaction. Is there something about a highly romanticized plan that makes her want to preemptively cut you down? Are there any circumstances under which she would have sex? Is that in-room hot tub freaking her out?

You two need to take another look at your wedding album. Look at the young couple, so full of promise, and pledge to each other that you will do everything possible to rekindle and reconnect.

Dear Amy: I'm 20 years old. My boyfriend is great. He's respectful, caring, kind, funny, adorable and open. The chemistry was instant and I knew that first night that this was it — the guy I'd always wanted had finally arrived.

I discovered very quickly, however, that he's very insecure and worried all the time about us because of a recent bad breakup. I'm the first girl he's dated since then, and he tells me all the time that I can break up with him if I want, that he's sorry for being a bad boyfriend and that he has trust issues.

I'm a very good listener and counselor, so I encourage him and assure him of how much I like him, but I'm getting frustrated with his insecurities.

Amy says: Your guy is violating Relationship Rule No. 1: Don't make this relationship pay for the sins of the last relationship.

The fact is that you don't know him that well. Great chemistry can temporarily blind you to some very important issues. Is your boyfriend always deeply insecure? Perhaps this is why his other relationship failed.

You should be patient and kind to him — but your primary job is to take care of yourself. Deep insecurity is a serious red flag that your guy is not ready to sustain a balanced and healthy relationship.

Dear Amy: My heart ached for the poor introverted girl who desperately needed understanding from her extrovert mother.

I had a pushy extrovert for a mother. Not only did she constantly scold me for being "standoffish," but she believed I would never succeed in life because I had "no personality." The end result was that we never bonded.