Anti-porn activist Gail Dines just published a book, "Pornland: How Porn Has Hijacked Our Sexuality," about how the wide availability of pornography is causing men's desensitization toward sex and perverting their disposition toward women. Dines echoes the beliefs of many critics who say that porn is harmful to women because of its tendency to objectify us. That contradicts the findings of many other researchers, however, including Anthony D'Amato, whose 2006 article "Porn Up, Rape Down" suggests that the sharp rise in access to porn over the past 25 years correlates with an 85 percent decrease in rape over the same period.

Graphic sexual entertainment is far from new. Early erotic literature predates dirty movies by more than a few centuries. Perhaps the most famous BDSM erotic novel is "Story of O," in which a female protagonist is willingly enslaved by her male lover. She is stripped, gagged, bound, slapped, whipped and conditioned to be penetrated in any way at any time by whomever he chooses. She's eventually given to another master, branded with his initials, and made to wear permanent weighted rings through her labia that attach to a heavy chain leash.

"Story of O" was written by a woman. In the early 1950s, French author Anne Desclos wrote a series of private letters to her lover, a fan of Marquis de Sade and Leopold von Sacher-Masoch (namesakes of the terms sadism and masochism, respectively). Desclos' lover had commented that it's too bad women couldn't write graphic sex scenes as well as these men could. Taking this statement as a challenge and using the opportunity to secure her position as first lover outside his marriage -- oh, the French! -- Desclos reached deep into the erotic recesses of her brain and feverishly scrawled out her fantasies of ultimate submission.

The man was so enchanted by the letters that he urged her to flesh them out into a novel. "Story of O" was published in 1954 under the nom de plume Pauline Réage. Various forms of homage to "Story of O" have been made, but all are bland imitations, lacking the passion and true concept of the original. How could any outsider interpret the connection between Desclos and her lover? It's offensive to impose watered-down versions on a general public of strangers.

Likewise, it's offensive to insist the kind of sexual imagery that I enjoy doesn't match my own original thoughts or fantasies; that the X-rated clips I keep on my laptop are linked not to my own fetishes (usually developed in early childhood) but to the first hardcore porn flick I saw when I was 18. Or to insist that, by allowing myself to be aroused by these images, I'm somehow causing harm to myself and other women. In a 2009 article for Oprah.com, author and sex blogger Violet Blue defended porn by asking the simple question: "If heterosexual porn degrades women, does gay porn degrade men?" To that I'll add: What about dominatrix porn? The most degrading things I've seen on film involved women in the position of power, with a woman directing the scene.

Overall, when it comes to sex, the power undoubtedly belongs to women. The more we understand that and yield to our desires without shame, the closer we'll come to truly understanding human sexuality, and that porn does mimic real sex -- whether it's Harlequin fluff or hardcore gang banging. To yield to the oppressive idea that we are not in control is a step backward. To my fellow women who are anti-porn, or hold the belief that porn today is more degrading than ever, I guess we'll just agree to disagree. I'll keep watching porn because I know I like it. Maybe you would, too.

  • Alexis McKinnis is taking your questions about sex, dating and relationships. Send them to advice@vita.mn or submit anonymously at www.vita.mn/alexis. Don't leave out the juicy details!