Q: I know a woman who likes to be spanked. I'm happy to oblige, but when spanking someone erotically, should you give a "reason" for why she's been such a bad girl? I could think of actual things I'm mad at her about, things she has done that hurt or disrespected me, but I've generally forgiven her, and to bring it up seems dangerous. Or I could just make up stuff in the guise of role playing, but that might feel fake or insincere. Guidelines??

A: Under no circumstances should you bring up old fights or current annoyances during a good spanking session. You might as well start discussing how much you miss your ex or hypothesize as to why her last boyfriend left her, because you'll only end up starting a new argument. Sexytime isn't personal attack time, so save the negative relationship feedback for a night when one of you isn't naked, vulnerable and bent over a knee.

Dirty talk of the role-playing variety can sometimes feel strained, especially when you're thinking beforehand about how it's going to do down. But keep in mind that anything you say -- short of quoting the Austin Powers movies or doing your best Shaq impression -- will be totally hot in the moment as long as you stay committed to the scene. Get creative; maybe you're a cop and she's a hooker, or you're lord of the manor and she's your thieving French maid. If she starts giggling, the scenario isn't working and it's time to switch to a different method of dirty talk.

Getting spanked is a form of submission, so you can easily riff off of that theme a little. When she squirms after a particularly stern swat, order her to stay still. Threaten her with another, harder spanking if she doesn't comply. You already know what will happen next -- she's going to squirm even more -- so now you can scold her, too. Apply the same method every time she moans.

You can also try phrases like "I'm going to put you over my knee now," "I hope you're ready because here it comes" and "Your ass is so red right now." Those things are easy for you to spit out while you're spanking, since you're just describing what you're doing. They're also hot for her to hear since she presumably can't see what your next move is back there. Much of the thrill of being spanked is not knowing when the blows are coming or how hard they're going to be. Feel free to fake her out with a promise to be gentle, then rap away at her booty like an angry nun. You know that scene in episode seven of season four of "Weeds," where Esteban thwacks the hell out of Nancy's butt in the back of his limo? Kinda like that. Nancy never saw it coming, and then she couldn't get enough.

Q: Do you know if drugs like Flibanserin work for increasing the female sex drive?

A: Probably. Flibanserin, a drug originally created to treat depression, is already being hailed as "Viagra for women" because of the serendipitous discovery that it boosts female libido. Clinical trials were conducted after researchers noticed that the drug was ineffective as an antidepressant but increased libido in both animal and human subjects. Unlike hormonal treatments, flibanserin goes straight for the brain's pleasure center, affecting the chain of chemical reactions that is sexual desire. The drug is currently in late-stage trials.

Sexual dysfunction is the body indicating that something isn't quite right. Before we ladies start choking down pills every day, we need to take inventory of our overall well-being. A healthy body has a healthy sex drive. With the help of a medical practitioner, a gal can determine if she has any one of the common causes of low libido: stress, poor diet, not getting enough sleep, a hormonal imbalance, a side effect from another medication, or the fact that maybe her man's just not that cute anymore.

  • Alexis McKinnis is taking your questions about sex, dating or relationships. Send them to advice@vita.mn, and don't leave out the juicy details.