Q: A few columns ago you referred to a vibrator/sex toy that has been an effective standard for women. With Valentine's Day upon us, I'd like to know what that toy is so I can get it for my special someone and help make her day.

A: The "guaranteed orgasm generator" you're looking for is the Hitachi Magic Wand by Vibratex. Since hitting the market nearly 30 years ago, the Wand remains virtually unmatched in vibrating power and durability. The genius is in its simplicity. Originally sold as a muscle massager, it consists of a soft, spongy round head and a cylindrical base that houses one hell of a two-speed motor. The Wand is for external stimulation only, but there are several attachment kits available to cover all your penetration needs.

For more gift ideas, I chatted with Fantasy Gifts owner Colleen Bertino. She says Valentine's Day is the busiest time of year in her nine metro stores, and there are definitely some bestsellers. "Our customers are very educated; they come in looking for high-end silicone or glass toys because they're phthalate-free," Bertino says. "The Vibratex company has been making phthalate-free vibrators with good motors for years." (Phthalates are chemical compounds found in jelly-type plastics that have been linked to various health problems.)

For the adventurous, Colleen likes the Sportsheets brand of restraints. From the beginner kit of silky wrist and ankle ties to the more advanced hog-tie and doorjamb cuff sets, all the products are well-made with an emphasis on comfort.

For the clueless, Colleen recommends packaged, special-occasion or "one-use" lingerie. Not only is it so affordable you won't feel guilty about tossing it out on Feb. 15, but it also comes in one stretchy size. No more fretting over whether she's a 2, 6 or 10.

Q: My girlfriend and I have been together less than six months and we've recently had a rather complicated few weeks. Although all systems have pretty much returned to normal, I'm not exactly in the mood for tuxes, tiaras and the fixed-price menu at La Belle Vie on Valentine's Day. What can a conscientious objector to uncapped materialism do for his new girlfriend that will get both of us back in the mood for love?

A: Your dilemma is typical, so know that you're not alone. I, for one, am against excessive spending on Valentine's Day, because it sends the wrong message to men (and let's not kid ourselves, the burden of V-Day gift-giving does fall on the man's shoulders). It tells them that it's OK to lavish your lady with tokens of love just one day a year. To paraphrase vita.mn user danvoigt, you get a much better return on a bouquet of flowers when you send them for no reason.

In my "Leapin' Libidos" column, I suggested adding certain foods to your diet to boost sex drive. How about putting together a libido-rocking dinner at home? Coastal Seafoods (2330 Minnehaha Av. S., Mpls.) has the oysters and will tell you how to prepare them. Shaved celery, porcini mushrooms and Parmigiano-Reggiano make an elegant salad when tossed with lemon juice, olive oil and truffle oil. Fresh muddled ginger and honey can be stirred with whiskey and club soda for a tasty cocktail. And bananas, chocolate, nutmeg and cloves can be used in any number of desserts, even simply as toppings for ice cream.

Sometimes a change of scenery is just what you need to clear the bad vibes. If you don't have the extra scratch to book a last-minute flight to New Orleans for the weekend, transform your boring old dining room into the French Quarter. Head to Litin Everything Party & Paper and load up a cart with fun decorations, then plaster them all over the walls. Hang a string of tiny paper lanterns diagonally across the room and enjoy your sexy home-cooked meal under soft, romantic lighting.

I'm not guaranteeing the above will make you want to rip each other's clothes off, but it will help amend the mood a little. Even in the worst-case scenario, she'll appreciate your thoughtfulness and you'll feel good about doing something nice for her.

  • Got a burning question about sex, dating or relationships? Send it to Alexis McKinnis at advice@vita.mn or post it discreetly via her blog at www.vita.mn/alexis.