Q: My girlfriend and I have been together for about five years and have a 16-month-old daughter. We are looking for ways to spice up our lovemaking and make it last a little longer. I have suddenly become a two-minute man. It is starting to really bother me because it seems she is getting ever more frustrated.

A: The most effective thing you can do to mix it up in the bedroom is just that: Mix it up. You've almost certainly fallen into a sexual routine. Maybe sex only happens at bedtime, maybe it's always initiated the same way, maybe you've found a position that gets the job done every time so you've relegated all other positions to birthdays and holidays. With the tiniest bit of effort you can make big changes to your regular routine.

  • Have sex anyplace other than your bed. True, banging usually takes place in beds, but it doesn't have to. Sofas, chairs, area rugs and bathroom floors are all fine places to get it on. Connect with your inner exhibitionist with some al fresco lovin' -- I don't recommend a busy playground on a weekday afternoon, but the picnic table in the back yard or the hood of your own car after dark are both fine alternatives to the mundane.
  • Do stuff you don't really do anymore. Go to a movie that's been out for a month and take advantage of a nearly empty theater by making out and groping each other under your clothes. Go to bed early and set the alarm for some morning sex. Text each other horrifically dirty messages all day long while you're both stuck at work. She may not feel as sexy as she used to after having a baby, so reassure her that you're just as hot for her now as you were when you first met. Tell her to snap some sexy photos the next time she steps out of the shower and send them to your phone. Be sure to text back with plenty of praise.
  • Do stuff you haven't tried before. S&M isn't just a bad Rihanna song. It's a beautiful thing, especially between two people who love and respect one another. The level of trust you've established is what's required to let go and fully enjoy things like bondage, corporal punishment and rough sex. Go anal if it's been a while. Check out Tristan Taormino's "The Ultimate Guide to Anal Sex for Women" and Violet Blue's "The Adventurous Couple's Guide to Strap-On Sex." Take the baby to your parents' house, head to a sex shop, pick out a DVD and a new toy and spend the night doing deliciously nasty things to each other.

As far as keeping your little soldier at full salute, my first tip is to focus on all the other wonderful parts of sex besides penetration. After making out and massaging each other for an hour -- during which time you should give your girlfriend as many orgasms as she likes -- the actual amount of penis-in-vagina time will be far less relevant. Better yet, skip the penetration altogether. Making some of your sex sessions hands-only takes the worry out of orgasming too early. It also helps break your bedroom routine by encouraging sexual creativity.

Also, I can't stress enough the importance of strengthening your pelvic floor muscles (and I can't go six weeks without writing about it). Kegel exercises not only enhance orgasms for everyone who does them; they also improve stamina and control for men. To do Kegels, contract your pelvic floor muscles by pretending you have 64 ounces of beer in your bladder with no bathroom in sight. Squeeze and hold for 10 seconds, then release. Repeat four or five times, and do it at least three times a day. The more often you do Kegels, the faster you strengthen those muscles. Engaging them during sex will allow you to control when you orgasm. With diligent effort, you'll notice a difference in as little as a month.

  • Alexis McKinnis is taking your questions about sex, dating and relationships. Send them to advice@vita.mn or submit anonymously at www.vita.mn/alexis. Don't leave out the juicy details!