Q: I just started a new job managing a team of people who are all around my age (early 20s). Of course, I've completely fallen for one of them, and I'm almost certain he feels the same way. There is no strict dating policy, but it's a small company. I've denied my feelings for months, and I love my job and don't want to jeopardize it, but the more I've gotten to know him, the more he's become my closest friend and I feel it has the potential to be serious. Do I try to deal with this unbelievable frustration plus put my dating life on hold for the next 18 months and wait for his contract to expire, or do I date him discreetly and risk damaging my professional reputation?

A: Many companies discourage or even prohibit workplace relationships for good reason, and normally I would, too. Except that your project has an expiration date and you sound certain that his contract will not be renewed. This alleviates one major problem of workplace romance: seeing too much of each other. Who doesn't love those first few months with someone new? When a few soft kisses in the office parking lot practically make you wet, and it doesn't matter if you came during sex last night, just that you were both having a good time. But then a few more months pass, and you're around each other all the time at work (not to mention after work), and you notice he's wearing the same pants at the office today that he wore to change a tire in 90-degree heat yesterday and it kind of grosses you out. Then you overhear him telling another co-worker how much he loves going down on women and you can't help but wonder: A) Why in the hell are they talking about this, and 2) Has it really been three weeks since he gave you an orgasm?

There are those couples who live together, work together -- even job share! -- and play together. They're annoyingly blissful little creatures and I'm truly envious of their ability to bond so intensely. However, I'm also a big proponent of personal space and believe that even the most compatible of lovers shouldn't have to be around each other 24/7. It's creepy. Agree to keep your relationship on the down-low at the office and you'll successfully avoid overdosing on each other, simply because you're enforcing a "no touch, no talk" rule. It might be hard to hide your feelings at first, but the alternative of putting them on ice for 18 months is unreasonable. A debilitating crush is impossible to ignore, what with the blushing and giggling and stopping mid-sentence because you got lost in his eyes. An actual relationship, though, is easier to maintain because you can talk to each other about what behavior is acceptable in the workplace. For instance, don't flirt. Maintain your regular workday habits. Keep company e-mails and IMs free from love notes and raunchy sexual requests.

It's nobody's business who you're banging, but nosy co-workers will make daily gossip of your situation once they sniff it out. Office romances are distracting to others, so be casual and open about it if you do get found out. If it's no big deal to you, then it's no big deal to them. Be prepared to get called into the boss' office for a conversation regarding after-hours activities. In a small company, your romantic future could be decided by one person's bad experience from office flings past. The fact that you are supervising your crush object might also be a problem. Assure your employer that you don't play favorites, you love and value your job and you're willing to choose the company you work for over the company you keep. If they trust your conduct, great. If they don't (and you're completely smitten with this boy), then you are stuck. Grab a calendar and count the days until you get to make out with him once again.

  • Alexis McKinnis is taking your questions about sex, dating and relationships. Send them to advice@vita.mn or submit anonymously at www.vita.mn/alexis. Don't leave out the juicy details!