Q: I've heard that men can have multiple orgasms but don't really understand how this could work. Once I come, there's nothing I can do but wait until I get hard again. Is this an urban legend, or is it just something some guys can do but others can't?

-Multiple Schmultiple

A: The male multiple orgasm is neither an urban legend nor is it a neat trick only some guys can do. It's actually pretty easy to achieve -- or so I hear; I don't exactly have the equipment to test the theory -- as long as you're willing to devote some time to practice.

The definition of multiple orgasm is basically the same for men and women: a sequence of orgasms with no refractory period in between. A man's refractory period happens after he ejaculates -- he loses his erection and is unable to become aroused for a brief amount of time. His penis becomes hypersensitive to touch, and the idea of continuing intercourse sounds about as pleasurable as a paper cut between the toes. The average refractory period lasts around 30 minutes, after which the penis is ready to party again. Since a man's first orgasm during a sexual encounter often comes pretty quickly -- totally normal, guys! -- I recommend using the refractory period to toss an orgasm or two your partner's way.

Unless, of course, you're a man capable of multiple orgasms. Since the object is to eliminate the refractory period, and the refractory period is brought on by ejaculation, you must eliminate the ejaculation. Little-known fact: Orgasm and ejaculation are actually two separate events going on in your loins. You probably remember having nocturnal emissions as a teenager. This release of semen in your sleep wasn't always accompanied by an erection, an orgasm or even a dream about feeling up Alyssa Milano. While orgasm is a happy result of the prostate, sphincter and penile muscles contracting, the actual spurting of semen happens when the perineum muscles get involved. A strong pubococcygeus (PC) muscle can overpower the perineal muscles and prevent ejaculation from occurring.

Enter Kegels! Can I ever say enough about them? Not only are Kegel exercises key to increasing male and female orgasm and control, they're also essential to achieving male multiple orgasm. Contract your PC muscle by pretending you have a full bladder and there's not a bathroom in sight. Hold as tight as you can, release, hold, release, for 10 reps, three times a day. Eventually work your way up to holding it for as long as you can and do that at least three times a day. After three weeks of dutifully doing your Kegels, you'll be ready to practice multiple orgasm.

You'll want to spend a lot of quality time with yourself before testing the technique on a partner, so free up the next dozen or so afternoons. Masturbate as you normally would. Just as you start to feel those first muscle contractions, squeeze and hold your PC muscle. Cease any stimulation and keep holding tight. If you got the timing right, you just successfully had a semen-free orgasm. You can then resume stimulation immediately, since you'll have no refractory period.

It's unlikely that you'll get it right on the first try, so practice, practice, practice. Go slowly and pay attention to what your body is doing when you have an orgasm. Identify the muscles and their sequence of contraction until you know exactly when it's the right time to squeeze. Once you're familiar with your orgasm sequence and are confidently squeezing off ejaculation, feel free to try out your new trick on a partner. Keep up on the Kegels and you won't just be multiorgasmic; you'll also have more powerful orgasms and more control over when you have them. Your sex life will never be the same.

  • Alexis McKinnis is taking your questions about sex, dating and relationships. Send them to advice@vita.mn or submit anonymously at www.vita.mn/alexis. Don't leave out the juicy details!