Curious and Confused, the newly single man from last week, had more questions about casual sex than I could fit into one column. Here's part two of his query on the mysterious booty call:

Q: Do you have any tips for spotting women interested in casual relationships? I have assumed most people are looking for a commitment, even though I'm realizing that it's not that clear-cut. Or do I need to abandon the idea that people are putting out clear signs and just take some risks and find out firsthand?

What is the etiquette when hooking up -- is it better to allude to casual intentions prior, or is that overly cautious? I want to avoid the pitfall of creating false expectations. When getting to know a girl, is there a strategy for giving the "casual" vibe? I worry that I tend to give off a "wants to be your boyfriend" vibe, but I really don't know if that's true or if it's just a self-perception that I project onto myself.

A: You can certainly go the online-personals route for finding women who want strictly sexual relationships. Sites like Adult Friend Finder and Plenty of Fish are dedicated to making hookups happen. But it's fair to be apprehensive about meeting women online; it's as much a crapshoot as any blind date. A few webcam shots and a 50-word bio hardly give you a good idea of how a woman moves, talks and interacts in the real world.

As far as spotting a good potential hookup partner, there are really no dead giveaways. If you start up a conversation with a stranger and she immediately reveals her quest for a father to her children, then she's not going to be up for the casual thing.

Initially, you approach a casual-sex relationship like any other relationship. The difference is that you have to make it clear from the get-go that you're not looking for romance. The vibe you give off isn't really a vibe at all; it's clear communication about your intentions. Yes, you'll come off as a douchebag if you tell every woman you encounter that you're only interested in bedding them once or twice a week. But there's nothing wrong with establishing a casual friendship first before broaching the idea of a booty call.

More often than not, that's how casual sex arrangements begin: as a buddy situation wherein both parties agree that things will never advance to full-on relationship status. Eventually it's agreed upon that commitment-free sex can also fit into the mix. You scratch her back, she scratches yours, on those nights when both of you have the itch. Just keep in mind that your booty call should never be a close friend. The girls you've been meeting for weekly happy hours for the past 10 years are strictly off-limits.

Patience is required when seeking out a hookup partner as much as it is when finding someone you actually want to date. You're probably stuck in a five-year social rut, so expand your connections. Search outside your comfort zone and stay away from friends of your ex. Make your intentions known before the clothes start flying off, and there will be no confusion. Explain that you're not looking for another girlfriend right now. Tell her you don't have the time commitment required to even date someone regularly. Keep your encounters brief and sporadic. Treat pillow talk like a foreign language you have no desire to learn. Don't talk about romance, your future children's names or even what you plan to do next weekend.

If that all sounds a little shallow, don't worry. It's not always just about getting wet and getting off. You're serving each other's basic human need for physical intimacy, and you're doing it in arguably the least complicated of ways.

  • Alexis McKinnis is taking your questions about sex, dating and relationships. Send them to advice@vita.mn or submit anonymously at www.vita.mn/alexis. Don't leave out the juicy details!