Q: How do you give the best blow job he's ever gotten?

--MAGGIEMAE358, 18

A: We've all heard the analogy about sex and pizza, right? That for guys, there's no such thing as a bad version of either? While it's a cute quip, I think a more accurate comparison would be blow jobs to pizza. Men can have bad sex just as well as women can. Don't assume that just because a guy is getting his weenie wet, he's having the time of his life.

Unless, of course, you're giving him a blow job. Getting head is both carnal and calming; there's very little you could do to suck the enjoyment out of it. (I kill me!) Still, you'd do well by utilizing these universal tricks of the trade:

  • Fellatio is a game of confidence. Before you even start, get it in your head that you're about to give your man the most pleasurable experience he's ever had. The more you tell yourself this, the better your performance will be.
  • There is no actual blowing during a blow job, but a few hot breaths are nice. Tease him by hovering above his dick, breathing slowly in and out of your mouth. Kiss and lick the crease where thigh meets torso, moving up over his pubic hair, kissing your way across to the other side. Brush his penis with your lips as you move around, or leave it alone and watch him writhe in anticipation.
  • Use your boobs, because straight guys like boobs. There's no need to limit the blow job to oral manipulation; head upward and kiss his chest and belly while the girls introduce themselves to Mr. Johnson. Push down slightly and rock in an up-and-down motion, then let up and run your nipples along his sensitive parts.
  • Wetter is better, so lick your lips and slick up his junk with some saliva. Hold the bottom of the shaft with your hand and stroke the head with your tongue. Keep your lips soft as you take him into your mouth, and move up and down in a comfortable rhythm. Follow his verbal commands, otherwise watch for physical cues. If his breathing picks up but he's lying still, slow down. If his hips are thrusting into you or his hands are pushing on your head, he wants to come, so keep it up.
  • There's more than a banana in his fruit basket. Swirl your tongue around those kiwis or gently suck them up into your mouth. If he's not down with testicular stimulation, he'll let you know.
  • Men are all about the visual. Put your hair up or off to the side to provide a clear view. Turn your head so his cock pops your cheek out a little, like you've got a jawbreaker in your mouth (guys love that one). Arrange your naked self in a near-69 position, on your knees beside him rather than on top of him. Let him look at and play with your ass and pussy while you suck. Look at him if you like eye contact; he most likely does.
  • Sexual eruption can be handled various ways. Swallowing is always a tidy solution, while some enjoy spitting semen back onto the penis. Finishing with your hand and letting him come on any number of body parts (yours or his) is always a good time. Do whatever you're comfortable doing or mix it up and try a little of everything. Just protect your peepers; semen is the sensory equivalent of shampoo laced with Tabasco as far as your eyeballs are concerned.

There's a ton of variations, like deep-throating, gagging and rimming, and preferences will differ from man to man. Between the two of you, you'll figure out the best blow job he's ever gotten. Even if it takes a while to master, he's certainly not going to mind the practice.

  • Got a burning question about dating, sex or relationships? Send it to Alexis McKinnis at advice@vita.mn or post it discreetly via her blog at www.vita.mn/alexis. Don't leave out the juicy details!