Dear Aggressive Driver in Rush-Hour Traffic:
I see you back there, 4 inches off my bumper, waving your hands around. I kind of wish at least one of your hands was on your steering wheel, but I guess we can't have everything.
I can't technically read lips, but it's clear you are saying move over, plus something that might be profanity. As you zoomed past so you could cut in front of me — and then brake, because there are 20 cars in front of me driving the same speed — you may have noticed I made the sign of the cross.
The nuns taught me that. They wouldn't approve of my prayer for you however. First, I pray that you don't harm anyone with your aggressive driving. The internet says that two-thirds of all traffic fatalities nationwide are associated with aggressive driving behaviors, and I believe it.
Second, I pray that if you bring harm to yourself, no one cares for or loves you. I can't bear the thought that you would be breaking the hearts of friends or loved ones. Finally I pray, a fellow inhabitant of the planet, that no harm comes to you.
Secretly I would also like to pray that you don't crash and cause a traffic jam, because that would slow my commute considerably. But that's just selfish of me.
I know what you're thinking. If I wasn't in the left passing lane, you wouldn't need to weave around me like an angry hornet. Here's a truth you should accept: There is no passing lane in rush-hour traffic (unless you count the HOV lanes). Let me repeat that in case you were distracted: There is no passing lane in rush-hour traffic.
I understated the case when I said there were 20 cars in the lane ahead of me. There are hundreds of cars, for miles and miles. You will never beat them all to work. In fact, you will only shave 12 seconds off your commute.
