A new SORT


A Series of Random Thoughts


-At a time when Tiger Moms are in the news, isn’t Tiger the one who needs his Mom?

I mean, it’s one thing to be embroiled in a sex scandal that ruins your reputation around the globe and costs you your wife and about a billion dollars. Who hasn’t had to deal with that?

But cursing and spitting? Who does he think he is, Matt Garza?

-The Wild are close to the playoffs. I think they should hire Doug Risebrough as a consultant, then trade for Chris Simon.

-Strangest and possibly most disgusting story of the day? You might think it’s the Wisconsin man with the blood-alcohol level (I’m sorry, in Wisconsin it’s an alcohol-blood level) of .556.

You would be wrong. In Wisconsin, when you reach an alcohol-blood level of .556, they call that ``Happy Hour.’’

No, the most disgusting story is that Yankees pitcher C.C. Sabathia said he dropped more than 20 pounds by giving up Captain Crunch. He said he used to eat an entire box for breakfast. (Don’t worry, I’m sure he went with the Soy Lite Milk.)

Now we know what CC stands for.

Consuming Calories. (You thought I was going to say Captain Crunch, didn’t you?)

Here’s the thing: I used to love Captain Crunch, and if I ate one bowl, I’d inevitable want one or two more. Breakfast, is, after all, the most important meal of the day. Especially if you plan on sleeping all day.

I always suspected that Captain Crunch and Coca-Cola put nicotine in their products, because I could never get enough of either.

I have stopped eating Captain Crunch (or drinking Coke, unless I have a headache, in which case I consume everything in sight until it subsides), and I feel much better. But all of my hair has fallen out.

-So the Mariners hire Ken Griffey as a ``special consultant.’’ I think he’s going to specialize in sleep apnea.

I love that. A guy makes $100 million during his career (just a guess), relies on immense talent but doesn’t stretch (or, sometimes, stay awake), and then gets a job paying him more than 99 percent of the people in the organization. And believe me, baseball people work. They work hard, and they work incredible hours.

Now they’re all making less than a guy who couldn’t stay awake all game last year. Nice.

-At the Wild game tonight. I thought the Wolves, or more likely the Gopher basketball team, would be the success story of the winter. Instead, it’s the Wild, which is 17-7-1 in its last 25 games and is playing with the style even a non-hockey guy like me can admire.

I hope they make the playoffs and play anybody other than Detroit. No, I’m not begging for a trip to San Jose or Vancouver. Well, OK, I am.

-So the Wolves are tinkering with how they arrive on the court before games. My recommendation: Arrive with better players and a coach they might actually listen to.

-So I join Facebook, and now suddenly I have photos of my kids juxtaposed with photos of me drinking. Luckily, my kids are used to me drinking.

My son’s first words were ``It’s gotta be 5 o’clock somewhere.’’

-Now that I’ve had time to think about it, I understand why the Twins are open to trading Francisco Liriano, and...it doesn’t really matter. My prediction: They’ll trade him only if they get big-league value in return, and the kinds of teams that would be in the market for Liriano aren’t going to give up equivalent big-league talent.

So I’m thinking the Twins, if their rotation is healthy midway through spring, will consider trading Kevin Slowey. I’ll throw in some money if they can make that happen.

Upcoming: My afternoon appearances on 1500espn are now at 2:40 with Pat Reusse and Phil Mackey. Lively stuff.

I'm leaving Saturday for Fort Myers. Tom Pelissero and myself will run Sunday Morning Sports Talk from Hammond Field. I'm sure we'll have a few Twins guests. This wil be my first Sunday show with Tom, who is replacing Brad Lane. Brad became our station's program director and will concentrate on all of the aspects of the station that are not nearly as successful as Sunday Morning Sports Talk, which I call ``The Franchise.'' (Don't screw it up, Tommy.)

I also expect to watch Phil Mackey sing Karoake while in Fort Myers. As if La Velle didn't give me enough comic material.

Covering the Wild game tonight, and probably the Wolves tomorrow.

My twitter name is @Souhanstrib. Please don't follow me. You kinda scare me.





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