There are many things that parents should never say to kids, but don't you think it's reasonable that we tell our kids what we never want to hear from them?

"It's not fair." Kids typically say this when siblings are treated differently from each other. Parents shouldn't strive to treat their kids equally but rather adjust their approach to what each child needs, not what they want. There might be different rules for kids within the same family.

Kids also say this when they don't like parents' rules. It's usually helpful to explain the rationale behind your expectations. However, sometimes kids, like the rest of us, have to do things just because someone in authority wants it done.

"I hate you." This is one of the cruelest things that a child of any age can say to a parent. Kids don't really mean that they hate us, but it still hurts to hear such harsh language. Help your child use the appropriate words to express their feelings of anger or disappointment.

"Shut up, stupid." Name calling is offensive at any age. Just as parents are appropriately cautioned to never say foul words to their kids, children should do likewise. Tell youngsters, particularly teens, that if they wouldn't use that word to a teacher at school, don't speak that way to parents.

"Whatever." Kids say this when they dislike something but don't have the verbal sophistication or assertiveness to express their point. Kids should be told to say what is on their mind or say nothing.

Rolling of the eyes. This isn't a verbalization, but it makes every parents' list of annoying things done by their kids. This is a rude way to express feelings of anger, annoyance or frustration. There are times we must be in control of our feelings or adjust the way we express them, and this applies to kids, as well.

"Do I have to?" Little truly is asked of kids. When a request is made, we expect compliance rather than complaints. If you hear this expression a lot, it might be because you are overindulging your children. This response should prompt more chores and family responsibilities, not fewer.

"It's too hard." Parents hear this when kids are asked to perform at a higher level, usually academically. Persistence in the face of failure and frustration teaches the critical lesson of emotional resilience.

Gregory Ramey is a child psychologist and vice president for outpatient services at the Children's Medical Center of Dayton, Ohio.