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South Dakota Gov. Dennis Daugaard announced on Sunday, April 1, the authentication of historical documents proving North Dakota and his state are actually one and named “Dakota.”
“It’s the most incredible discovery; this raises a number of interesting questions,” said the daft Daugaard, who rebranded his kingdom with the Prince-like name of the State Formerly Known as South Dakota. “We’ve got a lot of work to do to get this squared away, that’s clear.”
Noting accurately that North Dakota and South Dakota won statehood on Nov. 2, 1889, Daugaard went on to josh that a pair of historians conducting archival research in the Library of Congress uncovered identical addendums attached to both statehood proclamations that rescind the previously signed orders and establish a single, united state.
The addendum reads, in part, “I hereby affirm the creation of the state of Dakota; they were born together — they are one.”
Daugaard said he is undertaking a comprehensive process to determine how to proceed. He indicates that a special joint session of both state legislatures may be needed to determine whether to stay as Dakota, or return to their previous status as separate states.
We now return you to your normally scheduled news, scrubbed of any further foolishness.