Ask Eric: Hubby swears he’s faithful

Dear Eric: My husband has been having an affair with a neighbor two doors down. Not only have I caught them multiple times, but I also confronted both separately and recorded video and audio after telling them I would.

He said he wanted to take a polygraph; he failed on every question, on two polygraphs by two separate companies.

He swears that I’m making it up, verbally abuses me, and tells me I am crazy. By the way, she also is married, and her husband refuses to “allow me” to tell him what is happening. It’s been going on for more than 10 years. I can’t work for health reasons, so I need my husband’s support. Please, give me a miracle suggestion.

Eric says: While I’m short on miracles, a more earthbound but potentially effective solution would be to talk to a divorce lawyer. You don’t have to stay in a marriage that’s unhealthy for you, for any reason. And even though you don’t have income, as a married person you have shared assets and also could be entitled to spousal support. A divorce lawyer can review your options with you.

You don’t have to put up with verbal abuse, either. In addition to contacting a divorce lawyer, reach out to the National Domestic Violence Hotline (thehotline.org, 800-799-SAFE). Operators at the hotline can point you to resources in your area.

Dear Eric: Our eldest child has cut herself out of our lives for almost 15 years. I’ve tried to reconnect with her and our three grandchildren, with a lot of pain and upset.

Supposedly, this was all our fault, her parents. She wasn’t ever loved or supported by us, always having to look after her brothers. Or so she says. Recently, we were on a flight, and my son-in-law and grandson were on the same flight. When he was getting off the plane, he made sure we didn’t get to see our grandson, who wouldn’t recognize us anyway.

Eric says: This doesn’t strike me as over the top. Wills are often extensions of the relationships we have in life. So, it makes sense that your will would reflect the fracture in your relationship with your daughter.

Some people also use wills to try to express the inexpressible or unsaid. But intentions can be misunderstood with no way of clarifying. While making this decision about the will may resolve some questions you have about your legacy, it may not give you closure or resolution.

As described, the treatment you received was cruel. While the pain of it can’t be fully remedied, you may find some solace — and eventually something like closure — in focusing on your own healing, rather than remaining preoccupied with the will. Talking to a therapist who has experience with family estrangement may help you to, as you say, get on with your lives.